Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas

Or whatever you want to call it. Seriously now, whatever you want to call the holiday is fine with me. But what I'm calling it is Christmas.

As the end of the year approaches there are many things I've learned. Some of these I have learned the easy way and others I have learned through allot of difficult experiences. First of all, I learned that I have been lying to myself for a long time. By the way, I would be lying to you too if I said this is going to be an upbeat post. But as I was saying, I was lying to myself for a long time. One of the things I have always said I lived by and I encouraged my friends to live by as well is to live your own life. I have always said I live my life and don't let anyone live it for me. I was wrong about that. For so long I've really been letting people control me. I've been letting my fear of what people think of me control the way I act. But I'm not letting that happen anymore. That's one of my soon to be new years resolutions.

Something else I've learned this year is that I am not invincible. I've been sick since May and I'm not really getting much better. I need to go see a nutritionist and have tons of stuff done to help my immune system and it terrifies me. Thus, invincibility seems to be unachievable to me at the current time.

What else is there that I've learned? I learned that I'm not as good at putting up walls as I thought I was. Hannah's inner dialogue once said "I'm not even going to have a boyfriend until I'm finished getting my AA. That way I can focus on school and what's really important. Besides, what guy is going to be interested in me anyway when I'm this busy?" My inner dialogue was wrong! Since I last thought that my life has completely changed. I found someone amazing and I'm really happy with him. I never thought that I would find someone as early in life as I have. But I'm completely thrilled I have. If you want to know more about this you'll just have to email me and ask. No more pointless details now. But to finish up with this, I have learned allot about what love is and how much commitment it requires. Love isn't that lovey dovey stuff you always hear about. It's being completely committed to someone through the best and worst of times. Emphasis on the worst of times. That requires allot of maturity which I was really amazed to find out I actually have.

Back to the Christmas part of this blog. My family celebrated Christmas yesterday on Christmas Eve which is according to our tradition and it was one of the best Christmas's I've ever had. I really loved spending time with my family and of course I got good gifts. New laptop anyone? I got a new laptop for the new semester. This is something that will definitely help with my English class. My laptop was by far my favourite present this year. But the best part of Christmas was still spending it with my family. Of course it would have been nice to spend it with this special guy that I mentioned above but alas, we will have to wait a couple more days to see each other. Oh thank you holidays for depriving me of a social life.

Now, what's the new year looking life for me you may ask. I'm going to be busy! It's called school and work my friends; school and work are the two things that take up my whole life. There will be far more work this semester than last semester however. Two days a week will be devoted to school from 9am till 10pm. The rest of the days will be devoted to work. Growing up is not nearly as much fun as I thought it would be when I was younger and daydreaming about being an adult.

This concludes my Christmas blog and my view of the world outside my window for today.

I hope everyone has a great Christmas, and if you don't hear from me again until January have a wonderful new year.

As always,
Vivo amare imparare

Sunday, October 12, 2008

My New Life

Pretty intimidating title right? My new life is also rather intimidating I must say.

So get ready for a crazy update that will include some of what I've been going through in the last couple months. I also apologize for this new post taking so long to write. I've just been far to busy to do anything concerning free time.

So I'm a college student now!!! Yes, it is true. I graduated early from high school which most of my friends already know, but I'm also going to Folsom Lake College and am attempting to get my AA in Journalism. My life has taken a turn towards the insane category as of late. I'm not only going to college and taking 12 units, but I am also working part time at Trader Joe's still. With these two somewhat exhausting things in my life I am trying to keep from burning out.

College is insane. Yes this is what I have to say about my first semester in college. I love it. I hate it. I am learning allot. I am also missing allot. I am currently taking four classes: Sociology 300, Philosophy 350 (Philosophy of Religion), English 300, and Nutrition 300. Yes that totals up to 12 units. I am a full time student and I am trying desperately to keep up with all my work. I have a midterm due on Wednesday that I was privileged to take home with me this week, and I have a midterm on Wednesday night for my philosophy class. School is not my favourite part of my life. I will tell you that much right now. I would rather not be taking so many classes but it was kind of a requirement if I wanted to keep living at home.

Work is equally as insane as college. I am desperately attempting to work as many hours as possible and still keep up with my school work. I recently decided to ask for training in other areas in the store so that I will be able to work even more hours than I already am. Yes, this is going to cost me allot more sleep than I am already loosing. I am currently only getting 6 hours of sleep a night. And that is only if I'm LUCKY to get that much. Work drama bugs the hell out of me. I'm not going to lie. I get really sick of it really fast and it just stresses people out for no reason whatsoever. I'm determined to not stress over it though because people can say and think what they wish about me, but that's not going to change any portion of reality. Yes, I have only recently come to this realization but God knows I'm happy I finally realized it. =D

Love? You know I always include a paragraph about love. It's just a major part of my life that I feel shows allot about who I am as a person. Of course I'm going to tell people about what shows the most of who I am. Love is a word that I think I didn't fully understand until just recently. I know I have written about it in the past and I only wrote to the extent of my knowledge of what it truly means. According to Merriam Webster Online, ( love is:

1 a (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b: an assurance of love 2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion 3 a: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration b (1): a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2)British —used as an informal term of address

I don't think this definition even comes close to defining what love in it's truest, most complete form consists of. Love is the willingness to forfeit ones own existence for another. It is a bond that throws all sense of selfishness and conceitedness out the window. It is as if all of one's own ambitions no longer matter but it is the happiness of the one whom he or she loves that is the most important thing in the entire world. If you ask me if I speak from experience my only response is that of a simple word: Yes. I do speak from experience. Now this is not to say that love couldn't be even more than this, but it is to say that I have finally understood love to this extent.

So this is my life as of the past few months. Mind you, this is an extremely short summarizing of my life. I will try to keep you more updated in the future. It will just depend on the time I have to myself so that I can write this blog. As of today however, this is all for the world outside my window.

Remember always,
Vivo Amare Imparare

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Work, School, Work, School, Does it ever end?

I think everyone would agree that it absolutely "blows" to be a journalism student and have writer's block. Am I right? Classes are about to start up and I am having writer's block with the simplist of things. I definitely need some inspiration. I plan on finding some this week before school starts up.

For now however I'll update everyone on my life. I'm finally enrolled in classes and am taking some really great courses this semester. Philosophy, English, Sociology, and Nutrition. All of them are classes I'm excited about. All of them will require allot of writing; and allot of them will require allot of reading. So, I will be really busy this semester. I'm working one job right now and in september I'll have another one lined up for about 5 months of work. Two jobs and school; what am I thinking?!

I know what I'm thinking. Two jobs and a year of school equal a few months of freedom in Europe. I will be able to get away and clear my head so that I will be ready for the next 4 years or so of school. Traveling expenses are not my favorite thing in the world. But, there is no way to avoid spending all that money. Living in youth hostels will only save so much.

So that's basically it for the short version of an update on my life. I have allot going on right now but it's way to much to write. So you'll have to be patient for my next post. ^_^
As for now, that's it for the world outside my window.

vivo amare imparare

Saturday, July 19, 2008


Does anyone know that feeling when you just want to scream at the top of your lungs until your voice compleatly breaks and you can't scream for one more second?

When every ounce of anger and bitterness all comes out at one moment and all those memories flood through your head. When all the things that have been done to you and all the betrayals start pooring down your face through the tears.

God, when everything you have accomplished and every goal, dream, achievement and talent seems to mean absolutely nothing!

I am going to make the understatement of the year. "I don't like that feeling."
I am finally seeing the pointlessness to the life I've been trying to make for myself. I mean sure, it would be nice to have a nice job, car, family eventually, but none of that is going to last! Nothing I can do now can really make me happy for the rest of my life.

Yes, this is an emotional blog. I am so pissed off right now I can't even explain it. So if this all seems a bit "bitter" that's because IT IS!

I'm sick of putting up with all the shit that comes with my life. It's stuff that I don't have to deal with but for some reason I feel like I should be gracious enough to put up with all of it. Being gracious towards others is one thing, being gracious to the point of getting yourself hurt physically and emotionally is another compleately.

In the past couple weeks I have been betrayed by people who I trusted, I have been verbally abused by people who would never actually raise a hand to me, and I have not once stood up to those people. It ends now. I am not saying that I plan on being a rude, mean, cold hearted person. I am saying that I am not going to just stand by and let other people run my life and hurt me anymore. This is my new resolution.

So if this blog were to have any true point to it, it would be this: Stand up for yourself, because God knows, most of the time no one else will stand up for you. If someone is abusing you verbally or physically don't just give in and let it continue. This is for all the people out there who have lost hope in recovering from whatever it is they are going through. Don't give up.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Finally Home?

Again, the lack of blogging on a regular basis is starting to get to me. I do not like feeling as if I have guilt tripped myself into writing however. Therefore, I am just going to talk about what I want to talk about. If something important and relevant comes to mind, so be it. If it doesn't though, then satisfy yourself with whatever I have to say.

My life in one word. Let's start off by giving you the word that best describes my life right now. First, I'd like to point out that I spent a ton of time thinking of what word should describe it. I've gone through lists and lists in my mind; all the way from "lethargic" to, "blustery" to, "adored" to, "complacent." You get the idea that I am rather moody right now? I think however that the word that best describes me right now is infact the word "blessed." Yes, though I am exhausted, sick, confused, distracted, stressed, restless, pensive, and many other things, I am still quite blessed.

I returned from Hume Lake yesterday afternoon; a Christian camp that I went to with a lot of my friends. I loved it but wow, I am so glad I'm finally home! Or am I? Keep reading this blog and my previous two sentences will make sense in the end. Man, I realized some things there that I haven't thought of before. From reading my last blog you will have seen that I went to a Christian conference in Palm Springs a couple weeks ago that completely changed my life. Well, this camp just continued to change me. I've been to Hume Lake before, but this year I learned unlike I have in the past.

Back to being blessed. Why, after saying how I feel right now and how all of those emotions are not emotions of happiness and pleasure, can I say that I am "blessed?" Friends, I am blessed beyond words. Here's an analogy for you that I got from camp. It will most likely be confusing to you out of context, especially if you weren't there, but here goes. My life is like an "eternity rope." There is this small little speck on the end of this rope that represents my life here on earth; and then, there is the rest of this rope that spreads out for the rest of eternity and it represents my life after this. The things I go through now that seem so painful and terrible, will all seem like nothing in the future that I have. God has blessed me with this eternal life and with the excitement of looking forward to what's after this. No, I do not want to die. I am not insane, depressed, or otherwise out of my mind. I have however come to the realization that I should count my trials all joy because I can look at God and know the amazing future that I will have with him.

I know I am confusing many of you. I know that you think my typical writing is very logical and understandable and that I am a decent writer who can relay her thoughts through words. Right now however, I cannot do that. The words of a mere mortal can never ever relay the beauty and majesty of God. I attempt to tell of the things he has done in my life and I fail. I attempt to tell others of grace, justice, and mercy, but I fail. The only way that my words will make sense to anyone is through God himself opening their eyes and ears and making them understand my pathetic excuse for speech and thought.

This may seem rather out of place in this blog, but I would like to give the lyrics to a song that has had an immense impact on my worship recently. It is titled "Finally Home" by the band "Enfield."

Finally Home

On Jordan’s stormy banks I stand
And cast a wishful eye
To Canaan’s fair and happy land
Where my possessions lie.

All o’er those wide extended plains
Shines one eternal day;
There God the Son forever reigns
And scatters night away.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at Your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

No chilling winds nor pois’nous breath
Can reach that healthful shore;
Sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

When shall I reach that happy place,
And be forever blessed?
When shall I see my Father’s face,
And in his safe hands rest?

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing,
“Hallelujah!” We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing.
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

God is Awesome. Period. End of story. There are not enough words to describe God. There never will be. He is the beginning and the end. He is the first and the last. He is the Alpha and the Omega. All I can do is live my life for Him. That is what I have resolved to do in the past few weeks. I have learned many things, but I have resolved myself to living my life to the fullest. Not for myself, but for God.

I realize I haven't written much about camp. To write about that now would seem very childish in comparison to the things I have just finished saying. So, maybe in my next blog I will give you a few highlights; but for now this is it for the world outside my window.

As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Power Of God

The weekend of June 13th this year was spent at the most life changing event that I have ever experienced. Well, what a way to start off a blog right? Yes, every word of that is true.
I spent this past weekend in Palm Springs at a Christian conference called Resolved.

I was priveledged to hear some of the greatest preachers to ever walk the earth. I am not joking. To name a few there were, John Piper, John MacArthur, Steve Lawson, CJ Mahaney, and a few others.

This conference is mainly for college students and highschool upperclassmen. Therefore, I spent these days with so many other people near my age who were experiencing so many of the same things as I am. I can't even begin to explain how much my life was changed by this experience. All I have to say is this; God is amazing, awesome, great, so powerful, and so merciful.

I saw people saved. I saw people's lives changed. I saw my life changed. Oh, and to hear the voices of three thousand singing to the God of the universe, it makes you weep. There is nothing more I can blog about this. There is to much to say. If you have questions though feel free to ask me. I am always available to talk. It may take me time to answer you, but I will when I can.

In His grace,

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

All Summer Long

Let's start this blog off good ok? My life is insane right now. I'm in such a good mood. Why is that? That my friend's is because I'm going to Palm Springs this friday for a 5 day conference and my best friend is going with me! The word "excited" doesn't even begin to cover my mood.

I have a lot of amazing things planned this summer! Palm Springs first off, and then Hume Lake. Hume lake is probably the most amazing camp I could ever go to. I get to spend the whole week with some of my best friends, and it's a christian camp so I'm going to learn alot to.

Oh, off the subject, I'd like to mention how absolutely amazing music is. Isn't it cool how listening to a song can put you in a totally different mood than you started off in? That is the best type of music. Some of you who are fans of older music may have noticed that the title of this blog is the title to a famous Beach Boys song as well. I felt it only an appropriate title for this blog and if you haven't heard the song in a while, I suggest you go listen. It will put you in a good mood.

I'm really not sure I have anything "important" or "relevent to life" to talk about today. Nothing for you all to learn from or anything, but I will tell you what I've been up to!

Work, work, work, and well, more work. Work has been crazily busy lately because school's out and families are shopping together. I have been doing a ton of stuff that I never do because they need my help. Stocking shelves, that is not in my job description, however, when they beg me to help, I do my best. Oh, I'd like to point out the fact that the people I work with are amazing. We have fun. Yes, I used the word "fun." You may ask the question, "how is it even possible to have fun while 'working?'" Well, it is possible. When you want to have fun, you find a way.

My wrists have been killing me lately. Many of my good friends know I have bad wrist problems. That's not a good thing to have when you are a musician and you work at a physically demanding job. My wrists go back and forth with feeling terrible and feeling "so so." It's really annoying when three of the things you love most in your life demand strong hands and wrists and you have terrible ones to offer. What are those three things? They are, playing piano, playing tennis, and playing volleyball. Do you see my point? I have tried everything. All sorts of supplements and vitamins but nothing really seems to help for a prolonged amount of time. So pray for me, I always have to make a fast recovery but usually when they get as bad as they have gotten it takes a while for them to heal up.

Well basically I think that concludes this blog for the world outside my window today.

As always,
Vivo amare imparare

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Do you trust me?

I haven't written in weeks. It's becoming hard to write about what's been going on.
So, I am going to do my best. The last two weeks have been very hard for me to even get time to write. I got sick a couple weeks ago and I am still not over it. It turned into a sinus infection and I thought I was going to have to go into the ER. (I really didn't want to do that). So, I didn't. I'm getting better though, I went to the doctor. My sister however has been in the hospital since last friday. She came down with pneumonia and since she's handicapped it's life threatening for her. They may or may not release her today. My family has not been home. They've all been at the hospital with her.

I've felt kind of selfish I must admit for wanting anyone to care about me and how I am doing when my sister is the one in the hospital. But, it's amazing how I've seen God take care of me through all of this. He brought some people back into my life and if one of them hadn't have been there for me on one of those nights I don't know what I would have done. I think sometimes God sends us people to be our own little angels in times of extreme need. That's what He has done for me.

Trust. What does it really mean to trust someone? I'm not sure I can even answer that question. I am however going to give it my best try. To trust someone, is to make yourself compleately vulnerable to them. I am not kidding. Trust is putting yourself in their hands and having faith in them that they are not going to hurt you or betray you. Trust is allowing someone the oppertunity to hurt you.

So tell me, how many people do you truly trust? It's not just something you can say. You can't say "oh yes I trust ____ they are such a great person." Do you mean what you say? Think about it. Do you really put yourself into someone else's hands and have faith in them that they will not betray you and will not hurt you and will always have your best interests in mind? I think the answer to that is, not very often. It's rare to find someone that you really can trust. Because even if someone is trustworthy, it doesn't mean we will always believe they are. We guard ourselves. We put up constant walls. We do every single thing that says we do not trust them, and then we say we do.

I will be honest. In my lifetime up until this point, there has only been one person outside of my family that I truly trust. I would trust them with my life. The strangest part about this is that I have never gotten that close to them. We are not best friends. We do not hang out 24/7. But I trust this person. Sometimes you don't understand things that happen to you, but you know when they are good or bad. I just want to point out with everything I am saying though that I don't think people really trust the people they say they do. Now, I do not think I have "trust" issues. It's not like I block out the whole world and will not let them in. So if I am fairly average, then it is a good possibility that people do not really trust the 10 or 15 people they are always saying they trust. Just a thought. Think about it.

Now, I don't post my music on here much. I'm not sure I ever have, but I am going to share a song I wrote. I'm not quite sure why, but I want people to see this one. Story time. I wrote it about a guy. (yeh shocker right.) I have only ever written one other thing about him. That is the odd part. One person is usually inspiration for 5 or 10 works of mine whether they be music or poetry, but this one, has inspired only two things. I think the reason for that is because I never feel that I can fully show through words how great he is. *rolls eyes* I am starting to sound oh so cliche. Sorry about that. Anyway, I have trashed so many things that I've written about this guy because I didn't think they did him justice. So here is my new work. I want some honest opinions on it. I am going to post below the new song, and the older poem. (also written about him.)

Here you go.

Confessions of A Teenage Heart

The rain is falling on my face
Yet all I feel's the warmth of your embrace.
I can't go on without you here.
You wash away all my deepest fears.

Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

Oh time is passing on and on
And what I've learned is not to waste my words.
I know you can see right through me
Yes you always have through all these years.

You came into my life.
You gave me back my heart.
And now they all say we are a work of art.
Will you ever see
When you stand next to me
How my heart will always skip.. A beat.

Boy I am learining every day
That I can love you more than words can say.
Oh I wish I could make you see
Your words always have a way with me.

Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

Some say you're like a drug to me

'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.


Merciful Vow

Darkness is crowding me, with no place to hide.
There's a fear that wont cease, a pain that wont subside.
As my life goes by, ticking just as a clock,
I hear on my door a soft beating knock.
I want to cry out, though fearing no one will hear,
But then I remember that you will be near.
Through the darkness, the anguish, the cruel hearted hate,
You are here as my comfort and a guide of my way.

Somehow you see through the tears and the pain of my life,
A beauty so faint because of it's strife.
When no one else listens and no one else hears,
You always understand my faint hearted fears.
You are my friend, my hope, my gift from above,
The one God has given me by His mercy and love.
He has given me a friend, a friend who is true.
He has given me a friend, honest through and through.

As your prayer for me, so is my prayer for you,
That God will always be a comfort to you.
Though I don't know all your fears and your pain,
I will always tell you to call on His name.
Thank you for the joys and the laughter that you've given me.
For now, to my heart, you hold a key.
You are now free to come and to go,
For you will never be my heart's foe.

You have my trust, you have my peace,
You now have all of what you've given to me.
For what I've been given, I now give in return.
My faith in you has been fully earned.
No matter what, I will not take it back,
For that would be the cruelest of acts.
So I pray God will keep you from tears and the pain.
If he does not you can call on my name.
I will come to you in your darkest of times,
So that, my friend, you will not become blind.
Blind to the laughter and joys you could face,
If you only remain in God's glorious grace.

As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.


Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Ok. So basically if you would like to know what my day was like in one word, it would be this: Crappy... But, I think you would like me to elaborate?

This morning I had to get up at a, what my friend calls, ungodly hour. I had to do school, take my dog to folsom to have her groomed, had to go to the doctor, (stupid stupid stupid doctors!!!) and then come home. My day was stressfull. I almost got killed twice. Yes, true near death experiences, no lie.

Friends... Friends are amazing. They keep me going. They make me happy. When I think I'm going to cry they either cheer me up or let me cry on their shoulders. I can't live without them. They are sent to me by God. I remember that everyday. Especially as of late.

I don't have a point to this blog. I am just going to rambel for a bit. Do you ever feel like your world is crashing down around you? Do you ever feel like no matter what you do there is no escape? Do you ever feel, that out of the clear blue, someone is thrown into ur life and they rescue you from that which you thought there was no escape? I have. I have come as close to the brink of falling into the darkest hole I've ever encountered, and then, suddenly this hand reached out and saved me. The funny thing is, this person, this person who seemed like my guardian angel, doesn't even know. They were just there. The things they said, the way they treated me, no matter how normal it was, it saved me from doing things I would have regretted for the rest of my life.

Have you ever felt like that? If you have not, I can tell you it is one of the utmost amazing, freeing, beautiful moments you could experience. It's like, all of the sudden, when you are with that person, it seems like you are safe; like nothing could go wrong even though you know in your mind that everything has gone wrong. When you realize you have that person, and that they make you feel that way, it leaves you breathless. I can't say everyone will experience this. Alot of people would never go through something so terrible that they would have to experience this, but if you do, you will understand exactly what I am talking about.

I said there wasn't a point to this blog, but suddenly, I feel enlightened enough to make one. Do not, and I mean never, under ANY circumstances, give up on the beauty of life. There will be times when you feel like it is the ugliest most despicible thing ever, but it isn't. If you would give it a chance, you would start to see the beauty of it again. The people who love you; that is beautiful. You will always have that even if you lose everything else.

"vivo amare imparare"


Sunday, May 4, 2008

Music Evolved

So below is an example of a truly odd musical composition. One that is VERY popular.

Barenaked Ladies

One Week (lyrics)

It's been one week since you looked at meCocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"Five days since you laughed at me saying"Get that together come back and see me"Three days since the living roomI realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell youYesterday you'd forgiven mebut it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwinkAs I make you stop, thinkYou'll think you're looking at AquamanI summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet SwissI like the sushi 'cause it's never touched a frying panHot like wasabe when I bust rhymesBig like LeAnn RimesBecause I'm all about valueBert Kaempfert's got the mad hitsYou try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust throughGonna make a break and take a fakeI'd like a stinkin achin shakeI like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavoursGotta see the show, cause then you'll knowThe vertigo is gonna growCause it's so dangerous,you'll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're madTrying hard not to smile though I feel badI'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeralCan't understand what I mean?Well, you soon willI have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeveI have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at meThrew your arms in the airand said "You're crazy"Five days since you tackled meI've still got the rug burns on both my kneesIt's been three days since the afternoonYou realized it's not my faultnot a moment too soonYesterday you'd forgiven meAnd now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chickenYou have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'Watchin' X-Files with no lights onWe're dans la maisonI hope the Smoking Man's in this oneLike Harrison Ford I'm getting franticLike Sting I'm tantricLike Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Like Kurasawa I make mad filmsOkay, I don't make filmsBut if I did they'd have a SamuraiGonna get a set a' better clubsGonna find the kind with tiny nubsJust so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swingGotta get in tune with Sailor Moon'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babesThat make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're madTryin' hard not to smile though I feel badI'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeralCan't understand what I mean?Well, you soon willI have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeveI have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at meDropped your arms to your sidesand said "I'm sorry"Five days since I laughed at you and said "You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"Three days since the living roomWe realized we're both to blame,but what could we do?Yesterday you just smiled at meCause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days till we say we're sorryIt'll still be two days till we say we're sorryBirchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie

So why did I post this truly twisted song? Could I possibly have any sane reason for it? Well the answer to that is yes. I most certainly have a reason. If it is sane, well, I cannot guarantee you of that. I have been contemplating music lately. I know this is a dangerous subject to get into because people's tastes in music very just as much as their DNA. (not exagerating.)

So here it is. I was thinking about how much people's tastes really do very. Some people will only listen to Mozart, Chopin, and verious other "greats" in the classical era of music. They think it almost a sin to listen to modern music because they believe that modern musicians and composers have destroyed what was once great. Personally, I think that music has evolved in many great ways. There are no doubt many absolutely dreadfull compositions that should never have been released to the public, but there are also many things that I think have been beneficial to the public musically. The thing about music is, no matter who you are, where you are, what you look like, sound like, or act like, you can relate to music. It is a language spoken around the world. From the Alps in Europe to the Bronx in New York there is music along with an abundance of listeners who approve of what they are hearing. The music verries from culture to culture, but everywhere where there is a human being alive, there will be music. Even if it is a simple melody hummed while they are working.

Just as art has developed and evolved over the past one hundred years so has music. Just as Pablo Picasso revolutionized every human beings definition of art in the mid 20th century with his abstract designs and ideas of using geometric shapes to create paintings, music has evolved from the "classical" forms to where it is now. In the beginning of the 20th century people were starting to explore new ways to make sounds. They started playing one composition in more than one key at the same time. They truly revolutionized "sound."

My point is this, music will ALWAYS be here. As long as there is one human being on the face of the planet, there WILL be music. Music will always evolve. Take for example how music has evolved just from the early 80's! We went from pop rock music and boy bands being the most popular thing to hard rock bands and R&B being loved all over again. Music will always be changing. Just as cultures change and grow into something new music will grow along with it. This is why I am not a "traditionalist" when it comes to the art of music. I have a respect for each and every musical style out there. Even if I do not particularlly enjoy listening to it I know that an individual person put part of their soul into producing that sound that makes that style distinct among all others.

I have a lot more to say on this subject but I am afraid that if I write much more you will get bored with me and move on to more interesting things like what's new with "brangelina" or "tomcat." *rolls eyes*.

So I will now end this blog. Feel free to comment and tell me your opinions. If there is one thing I love talking about it is music. Because no matter what, we can all relate to it in one way or another.

That's it for the world outside my window.

"vivo amare imparare"


Thursday, May 1, 2008

True or False?

They say you can only deny the truth for so long before you have to face it. Why do we hide from the truth? Why do we deny it? Is it only for the safety of our own sanity? Do we really obtain some sense of peace from ignoring that which burdens our hearts and minds?

Any fool can run from his fears; but it takes a wise and brave soul to face his trials. To stare in the face that which terrifies you most and say "I will not be bound by you any longer." Now that, that is a true test of one's strength.

To hide from the truth is to hide from yourself. If you hide from it long enough, you may just lose who you are. What we know and what we accept as truth shapes us; it makes us into who we are and who we will become in the future. Therefore, deny the truth? Deny yourself? Or are they one in the same?

Wisdom and knowledge is not the same thing. One may have knowledge and not be wise, but the wise must have knowledge and exercise it in the proper way. If we ignore the truth, we become fools. If we face it, it is an example of wisdom.

"Vivo amare imparare"


Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The tragedies of over thinking and under acting

Ok, I am going to start this blog off by saying, that below is something I wrote last night. I did not have a computer so I did something extreamly out of character. I picked up a pen and some paper and started to scrawl it out. I have not done that for a very long time, but this was far to important to leave to write till the next day. This blog is directed more towards women than men. But you guys are welcome to read it, maybe you will learn a few things too.


This is one for all you cynics out there.
Why is it that so constantly, all of the seemingly "good" men out there are often attached to women who's IQ's are lower than Britney Spear's and Paris Hilton's IQ's pooled together? Come on ladies, Haven't most of us thought this at least once in our life, even if it was only for a moment? Is it because they feel impowered because they are smarter? (I use the word "smart" loosly) Is it all just a power trip? Do "they," those females who laugh at everything and seem to think only about nonsense really have anything we are incapable of posessing?

All of my writing up until this point seems to be nothing but a never ending stream of questions. However, I am now going to give some of my answers. First off, why do men choose the above described type of women? I do not have an answer for this. Now wait! Before you give up and decide not to read any further because I am dissapointing you, STOP! I am going to say something important. Ready? Not all men choose women like that. Just because he may appear "good" does not mean he is. Also, the type of woman a man chooses says alot about him.

What do you think when you see a guy who is out with a total, well, a total tramp? Do you think he is dating her to find out what her favourite book is? I think not. But there are a few "good" men out there who truely not only appear good, but indeed are. Ladies, what I am trying to say is this: THERE IS HOPE!! Do not settle. Never settle for less, because one of those good ones may come along one day and you will be taken, so he will move on.

Now, time for some tough love. Not all of the blame can be placed on men for dating the type of women I described earlier. You may complain and say that it is unfair that "he" would choose someone like that over you. But hear me now. There is always a reason. Now for that tough love. I said earlier, do they "really have anything we are incapable of posessing?" The answer to that is no. Flat out NO. However, they do have some things many of us often ignore as being important qualities when we are in a relationship.

1. A good sense of humor
2. Enjoying HIM. (don't panic! info to come.)
3. Having fun

Now as far as number one is concerned, a good sense of humor is key. Ok, now I am going to be a bit "harsh" as some of my friends call me. Many women refuse to find their man's jokes funny. Now, do not get me wrong, I know that alot of the time, they are not funny, but when they are, we often refuse to laugh. This is a strange phenomenon, but you must agree that it often occurs.

Number two. Enjoying HIM. Ok, this probably comes accross as confusing to some of you, but I will try to explain myself. Enjoy who he is, not who you want to make him into. Laugh at his dumb jokes. Love how he can make you laugh at anything. Tell him how much you adore that he can always cheer you up just by being there. LET him cheer you up. All these things seem totally simple right? that's because they are! We are often just to preoccupied with thinking because of that high IQ of our's that we forget to do the little things.

Number three. Have fun. I know what you are thinking. "She's kidding right? We all know how to have fun." Well I am not going to tell you how to have fun, but I am going to tell you it is something we often overlook. Why? Let me give you an example. You are cooking an amazing, romantic dinner for you and your significant other. The pasta burns. You spill sugar all over the floor. (OH MY GOSH!! ANTS!) And your precious dog decides to chew up your favourite pair of shoes. Therefore, he get's there and says, "let's go to the pizza parlor." Are you likely going to have much fun under the circumstances? No. Why? Because you are stressed out because you think everything was ruined for the night. Here is what you should learn to do. Let go of yourself. Have fun. Because, no matter where you are, what you are eating, or what you are wearing on your feet, all that matters is him. We get so stressed out that we forget to have fun. So remember to enjoy him, because it is the most important thing.

Just doing these three little things makes you more appealing to those "good" men. Why? Because they want the real you. Not the stressed out, compleatly not fun version you become once you have a boyfriend. Like I tell many people, my motto is "vivo amare imparare." English, "I live to love and to learn." Live your life. Love those people you have, and learn from that which you love so dearly.

Now as a fun, slightly demented and yet quirky side note, I would like to share a break up quote that one of my best friends shared with me.

There are phases of a break up

1. Not believing it's true.

2. Realizing it is true.

3. Crying because you feel as if you have lost your best f riend.


5. Considering thoughts of keying his car.

6. Keying his car with your friends.

7. Regretting keying his car.

8. Finalizing that you will never talk to him again.

Now that you have read something slightly humorous, I ask that you put up with me just a little bit longer.

I do not claim to be an expert on romance. God know's I've done my fair share of ruining good things myself. However, I have learned some from my many mistakes. I've gone through the "being jaded" phase, where I wouldn't let any guy into my heart. Believe me though, that is a mistake. The facts are these: Men will love you. Men will hurt you. Men will betray you. And one day, you will find the one you are meant to be with forever. He will love you. He will hurt you; but he will never betray you. "patience is a virtue."; it is a virtue that we should all strive to have. So I am not going to say that "one day your prince will come." I find that far to cliche. (besides, we all know that princes have major power trips. Egotism as well. I think it comes from "saving" to many maidens.) I will say this: One day, you will see clearly. I cannot say what you will see, or when this will h appen. It's different for everyone, but when it happens, everything will feel right, even if only for that moment.

As Always,

"vivo amare imparare"


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Broken hearts and peace of mind

Well, so much for writing a new blog everyday. Goodness, I have been so busy lately! Life is crazy, terrible, exciting, new, and everything else you can think of. So, I hope you are all ready for a very long update.

I will start off with work. Work is going well. I am starting to not worry so much because I'm getting better at knowing everything I'm supposed to do. Not having the training for it kind of sucks, but I'm making it through. I have made some new friends there. My boss is telling me I'm amazing and that I'm one of the best baggers they've ever had there. Hearing stuff like that makes me happy, and makes me think I must be doing alright. You know how sometimes, there are people that you just click with the moment you meet them? I do. There is this one guy I work with... Now before I go any farther, get the thought out of your head that this is about someone I have a crush on... because, it is not. Anyway, this guy I work with is really fun, and he is always happy, and he and I make a great team. It's nice having someone like that. When you like the people you work with, it almost doesn't seem like work. Anyway, whenever we are working a register together, people always come through, and if they are grumpy when they get into the line, they by no means leave feeling or acting the same way. We are their quote "sideshow" to shopping. In short, we put on a show for them and they leave feeling entertained. Now I must say, that does not go unnoticed by our boss. So we are always getting compliments for our teamwork.

Well that's it for what I have to say about work. Now, as for other parts of my life, they are not going so great. I recently found out that someone I really cared about is not a christian. For me, my faith is the most important thing in my life. If it were not for God, I would not be here. If it were not for God, I would go to hell. I can't even begin to get accross in words how much it has impacted me to find out that someone I love, as a friend, does not share that faith with me. He even lied to me about it ever since I met them. He has grown up lying to everyone. He grew up going to church, youth events, and he grew up in a family of believers, and has been lying to all of us. Now, I do not want to offend those who do not believe in God, but this is my blog, about my life and my faith, therefore I will say that which I believe. My friend, is an Athiest. For those of you who have not learned what that is, an Athiest is one who does not believe in the existance of God, or any "god's" for that matter. The fact that this friend has chosen to not accept Christ has left me broken hearted in every way imaginable. I have had a part of my world torn apart, and was left feeling useless. But that feeling of despair and uselessness brought me to a reality check. I realized just how much I rely on God for the my very existance. Without him, my life is in vain. There is nothing I can do in my own strength, and He provides everything for me. There is nothing I can say to this friend that he has not heard already, and even if I could say anything that he has not heard, it is in vain unless God opens his eyes and heart to those words. I often take for granted the life I've been given, but through this trial God has been drawing me closer and closer to Him. I do not know what the future holds for this friendship, but I do know that whatever may come, God is in control of it all. To my friends out there who read this, I ask you to pray. You may or may not know this person I am talking about, but even if you do not, I ask you to pray. God does answer prayers; and I have been begging him to answer mine. Please pray for me also, I have not been holding up all that great under this, and I need all the support I can get.

Now that I have spilled about everything going on with my faith as of recently, I want to say what has been going on with my heart. It is amazing to see how God works in me. Many of you who have known me a very long time remember that I have not always been the girl who is patient and waits on God to give someone to her to love. I have always been a "go getter." I've been the girl who would like someone and she would go after them. Well, I am not like that anymore. I have learned through many trials I have been going through lately that God does know what is best for me. I have come to the realization that he will provide for all of my needs. I just have to trust Him and have the patience to do so. After a recent experience of having my heart broken, I was left feeling, not empty, or without a purpose, but feeling that God has something, someone, better out there for me. I do not have that desire to go after just anyone anymore. That is saying something for those of you who know who I was. I know that whatever God has in store for me, is the best possible, and I take an extreme amount of peace in that.

Well my friends, that is all for the world outside my window for today. I hope that you have learned something from my life that you can apply to yours.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Run for your life!

Wow. Well as you can see it has been a few days since my last post. I will now attempt to give you my reason and make it into a somewhat enjoyable blog. *evil grin*

Well let's see, tuesday I started my first day of training at Trader Joes. It was fun, exciting, slightly confusing, and mostly, above all, it was exhausting!

I am being trained by a girl who is only about a year older than I am, so we get along really well. I learned to bag, do cart runs, (running around the parking lot bringing the carts back to the store) cleaning, stocking, and lots of miscellaneous things around the store. I must say, four hours on your feet with only a fifteen minute break, now that is exhausting. It is especially exhausting because you are not just standing in one place the whole time. You are running around the store trying to find stuff for customers, you are running through the parking lot dodging crazy people driving cars they should never be allowed to get behind the wheel of in the first place, you are dealing with really mean (mind you only a few) customers who no matter what you do they think you are doing a terrible job, and you are playing the part of a happy camper all day.

I did not realize how intense the job would be. I will freely admit I did not expect to be running for my life the first day. (dodging crazy drivers remember) However, it is very rewarding. I love the people I'm working with even more now that I have gotten to know them better. My boss is still great. He even gave me and my trainer free lunch because he thought I was doing so amazingly on my first day. I did not mention the heavy lifting they have you do. Ok, maybe not "heavy" for a guy; but for a girl, man it get's old really fast! lifting 25 pound cubes of paper bags and loading them onto dollys and carting them to the front of the store and unloading them and distributing them to the registers is probably at this moment my least favorite part of the job. But hey, my arms are looking good already. *hehe*

Now, I know alot of you out there who read my blog have jobs. Maybe you are a hard working career person who spends their day in the office. Maybe you spend your day cooking food in a diner. There is one thing however that makes work better for each and every one of us no matter what our field; that thing is great co-workers!!! If you have to work with someone who is a complete ass you are not going to enjoy your life. If you work with someone whom you get along with and like being around, you are going to feel alot better about going into work each time.

These are just my thoughts for the day. And that's it for the world oustide my window.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"


Saturday, April 12, 2008


So today is just going to be me talking about my life. I know this is not the typical type of writing I do. I usually talk about certain topics relevent to most people's lives, but today I am going to talk about myself.

So I have come to a realization about my family. The more I grow up and become more independent, the more my parents pull me in every direction trying to keep my their little girl. They stretch me to the max just to prove that I'm not mature enough to deal with things in life and that I should still rely on them. Does this seem wrong to anyone else besides me?

I mean come on. I understand parents being hard pressed to let their little girl, their last born grow up, because they are scared to lose her. No, I do not have a problem with that, but when they purposely try to stretch you out in all areas of your life just so that you won't want to go, now that is something I have a problem with!

I am a fairly independent person. I have a job, a car, I can pay for my own food if I need to, I'm not required to pay rent yet because I'm only 16 and my parents are not going to charge me untill I am 18, but I could pay rent if required. Yet, even though I am proving that I am learning to be mature and responsible with finances, with people, and with my life in general, they still feel they should treat me as a child. I understand certain restrictions on things I should be allowed to and not allowed to do. I am only 16 afterall; but I don't think I should be treated as if I am not mature, responsible, independent, or intelligent!

Now you may think that this is just another teenage girl venting on her parents. We all do that sometimes, but that's not what I am trying to do right now. Yes, I will admit that there is a certain amount of hostility in this blog, but that is mostly because of the load of stress I am under right now. My point to most of this is just this simple: What one of my views of the role of a parent should be is this, a parent is the one who gives you life, but they should also train you up to be a mature and responsible adult so that you can be independent and function in the world on your own. I think that a person who does not do this really is not accomplishing their role. My parents should be teaching me the skills I need in life and the responsibility to use them so that I can live on my own. This is what I think all parents should be doing.

Lately I've been under alot of stress because I have a new job. I got this job so that I could save up to move out. My parents know that this is my plan, and they have also been fighting me on the subject of moving out ever since I first brought it up. Therefore, they are happy that I got this job, but also unhappy at the same time because they know what I am saving the money for. So in return they have been putting alot of strain on me to do things and not do things just because they want me to depend on them more. They restrict me from alot more things than they used to, and they require more of me than I think should be required.

Well, this is just a little bit about my life right now. I do have alot more to say but alas I do not have the time to type it out right now. Hey, who knows, maybe I'll write a book someday. Well as for now, this is just the world outside my window.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow you may get fired.

Right now I am so tired that I almost don't think I can write anything that could possibly make sense. But, I shall give it a go.

Today was my first day of work.* da da da duuuum* It was painfully tiring. I didn't even start training. (for those of you who do not know, I work at Trader Joes). Man, I spent two hours filling out paperwork. Yeah, here's a shout out to the U.S. Government for making me go through all this. (and no, that was not true gratitude). I was supposed to start work today, according to my employer, but he did not remember he had to sign my work permit application and that I have to go have it approved before I can actually "officially" start. *rolls eyes*. I did however fill out all the crappy paperwork I had to so that when I go in next week I can actually start training! Yay me right?

Well, I am totally excited. I have been trying to find a job for FIVE months!! Gosh, I didn't realize how hard it would be to get a job until the first three months had gone by. Then, I thought about it and realized it was going to take alot more work than I thought it would. The economy is at such a low right now. Hardly anyone is hiring. More importantly, hardly anyone is hiring someone under the age of eighteen; especially if it is their first job!

So I spent a few weeks trying to get this job. Ok ok, I spent about a month trying to get this job; and after two interviews with some awesome managers, I finally got it. It is going to be so much fun. I love the people I'm working with; not to mention the employee discount I get. Yes, I love Trader Joes. So you people who live in the general area of Folsom, California, go do some of your shopping at Trader Joes!

I just figured something new out about me. I can actually be a really outgoing person if I put my mind to it! Ok, I'll admit I don't usually put myself out there to be social, but, for this job it is a requirement. Hey, I already know about nine new people just from my first day! That's more people than I usually make friends with in a five year period of time. I have never been the "social butterfly" that these people see me as. I have been for the majority of my life, a "loner". I've been the kid who kind of stays to the back of the room. The kid who doesn't have many friends; and the kid who's friends don't really even know her. *haha* I guess change can be a very VERY good thing.

Oh, I also realized something else today. I hate gas prices!!! yes, this is my comedic paragraph. Gosh, I knew ever since the day I got my license that gas was going to be hard to pay for, but man, commuting is hell for it. I have it roughly figured out that out of how much I earn per month, I am going to spend near $50 bucks just on commuting back and forth between my house and work. That just makes me sick. Again, thank you to the U.S. government for contributing to problems in the economy so that this blog is made possible. Without you, I would have very little to talk about.

So that's the world outside my window for today. And for now, eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow you may get fired.

P.S. Sorry for the cynicism. It comes with the vocation.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"


Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Time Management

So I was on my way home today and as I was driving down the road a string of thoughts went through my mind, that led to this blog.

First, I saw all these cars on the road and thought to myself, 'ahh gosh I hate traffic! I'm never going to get home on time!' Then I thought, 'where are all these people coming from and heading to?' Then as I thought about it I thought about how they are like ants. Seriously now, I am not just saying this. They rush back and forth between home, work, dinner, taking family to various places they need to be, and do they ever stop and just think about how most of it is just insignificantly stressing them out?

I mean come on people! Do we ever stop to think? Do we think about where we are going and what we are doing and above all do we EVER come to the conclusion that it is not as important as we want to make it? Now hear me out. Ladies, is that major sale at the mall really worth yelling at your family to make them get ready in time so you won't be late? Guys, is that basketball game really worth getting in a fight with your family just so they will leave you alone so you can watch it?

My point is this alright: When does being responsible and busy with the important things of life turn into this overboard, unsensible rush to make it through the day?

I think that if people would ever take the time to just stop, rewind the tape, and look at their life in slow motion, they might, possibly, hopefully start to realize that slowing down could be a better, more responsible way to live.

Honestly people, if you just take the time to get your thoughts together, (yes, you do have thoughts in your head even though you try to push them out of there as much as possible.) you would see what things really are the most important. Like, family, friends, the people in your life who love you. Yes yes, even your boyfriend or girlfriend; they are more important than that sale or basketball game right? If you don't think so, then re-read this blog because you need to get your priorities straight.

Another thing. Why do we insist that every second, of every minute of our day be filled with something to do? What would happen if we just relaxed? What would happen if we sat down and read a book? I shall clarify that last example; a book that we are not assigned to read for a class. Now do not take what I am saying as an excuse for being lazy and not doing the important things in your life. But understand me; I do not think people should go through every day without taking time slow down, maybe even stop, and enjoy what they have accomplished.

Anyway, this is just some stuff I was thinking about today. I didn't put a ton of thought into it but I wanted to say it just incase it would do anyone any good.

And that's just the world outside my window.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"


Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Dream a little dream of me

So you want to know what's new with me today do you?

Well today my life has been crazy. I would like to address the topic of "dreams." Dreams can take on a number of different characteristics. They can be exciting. They can be scary. They can be fun. They can be terribly boring. Personally, my dreams usually take on the characteristics of multiple clashing things.

Last night for example, I had a dream that I am still deciding about. I can't tell if I should call it a nightmare, or a good dream. It was good, and bad, all at the same time. I enjoyed it, and yet, when I woke up I felt terrible because of it. I would guess that most people know the kind of dream I'm talking about.

Moving on. I played tennis today. Tennis is definitely one of my most favorite pass times. I play with whoever will play with me. I don't care if they are amazing players, or if they can hardly get the ball over the net. I just love to play.

Oh, now for the exciting and confusing part of my life. I have a friend who's brother lives in another state. I've been friends with their family for a really long time. Every single time he comes to visit I end up confused for months. Right about the time I get unconfused, he comes for another visit and bammm the cycle starts all over again. *rolls eyes*. It's an interesting thing friendship is. One moment, you can be practically enemies with a person, and the next, it's like you've been good friends with them your whole life.

Well, I have decided that I am not who I used to be. You know, it's interesting how we so often try to remain the way we have been in the past, just for the sake of not changing. We are so scared of change. I have decided however, that it is about time I accept the fact that I have changed. People who have known me my whole life, would probably agree with this conclusion. I have tried for so long to pretend that I'm the perfect, inocent girl I always used to be. Because man, people grow up, and they are not so inocent anymore. Life changes us, people change us, circumstances and experiences also change us. When you finally accept yourself for who you are, I've realized other people start accepting you to.

I have had some good experiences that have changed me for the better; and I have had some bad experiences that have left me jaded. The thing is, you can't grow up without changing into someone new. Life leaves scars. I have learned to deal with them. Life also gives us things that make up for all those scars; like love, and friendship, and family.

Well that's it for the world outside my window for today.

As Always,

"vivo amare imparare"


Monday, April 7, 2008


So I've been thinking about the human establishment of "friendship" lately; and there is something in particular that I think everyone thinks about even if it's only once in a while.

How can you tell if the person you know is really your friend, or if they are just using you?

Well I've been putting thought into this and I have come up with a few ideas. I have had alot of people in my life, and there are some that I would consider my "best friends." But what is it that makes them a "best friend"? Is it someone who is nice to you and buys you stuff and says that you are like the sister they never had? Or is it someone who hurts you repeatedly and then tries to blame it on something happening in their lives? Or, I will submit another scenario. Is it someone who cares about you and would give their life for you? Someone, whom you may fight with, disagree with, hurt, but someone who you would also die for because of your friendship? Well, if you agreed with my third scenario then I would have to give you my utmost and honest approval.

Now to get to the part about my life. I have a friend who I am very close to. We spend alot of time together and we tell each other everything. Everything from what we ate for lunch, to the guy we are head over heals for, to what we want to do with our lives. But, this friend and I also fight. Oh boy do we fight. I think that she and I have definitely become as close to being sisters as we can be without being blood related. The thing is, I would risk my life for her, and I think she would do the same for me.

John 15:13 says this: "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." I think that is the truest friendship you could ever have. I am not saying that someone who wouldn't lay down their life for you is not your friend. I am saying merly this, that a friend who would die for you, is someone that you should do everything within your power to stay close to.

Well, I have this other friend. Yes, this friend and I get along swell. We talk all the time. We share secrets. We trust each other. But, she lies about me. She lies to me. She lies about things that are very important. What's even more sad is this, she hurts the other people around me. I can't call someone like this a "best friend." I know her intentions are often good, but at times they are very hurtful. I don't know what to do sometimes when it comes to being friends with this person. She has never hurt me personally, but she has hurt people that I love.

So here is one of my conclusions. If someone hurts you on a regular basis, and adds more pain to your life than one of your best friends does (keeping in mind my definition of a best friend) then I think this; they are not a true friend.

Another question that this brings up is this: What should I do about people like this in my life?

I do not like to give advice to my friends about who they should and shouldn't be friends with because it is not my place to be giving advice like that. Who you let be part of your life should be your decision and your decision alone. I will however tell them that they need to protect themselves. If someone comes at you with a knife, would you not feel it the right thing to do to defend yourself with another weapon? If someone tries to do you physical harm you would not stand there and let them beat you would you? Of course not. It make me wonder why we so often stand there and take the emotional blows that people dish out to us on a regular basis. I mean, should we not try to protect ourselves from those as well?

So I keep on talking and talking about this but what does it all come down to? I have been trying to decide what my point is. I think it is safe to say that it is this: Choose your friends wisely. A good friend is hard to find, but they will last a life time. A bad friend is easy to come by, but often very difficult to get rid of.

So to my friends out there, this is my speach of gratitude. To the people out there who have good friends, I say this; let them know that you value them more than your cell phone, or your next peticure, or your most recent boyfriend, because the truth of the matter is, cell phones go out of date, peticures wear off, boyfriends will hurt you, but a true friend will always be there. My value system tells me that they must be a whole lot more important if that is the case.

So this is the most recent update from the world outside my window. I hope you all realize how lucky you are to have that friend that you are thinking about right now.

and as always,

"vivo amare imparare"


Saturday, April 5, 2008

Thoughts On Growing Up

Life is a crazy thing isn’t it?

One minute you are a little kid running around bugging your older siblings...

The next minute you are working your way to prove you are grown up...

You have a job... People in your life you REALLY care about.. besides family..

You don’t care about all the DRAMA anymore...

Yet, there seems to be nothing BUT drama in your life...

My point is, if there could be a point to those ramblings, growing up is hard, and crazy confusing sometimes, but hang in there because it’s also fun.

Another random point that I try to pull outta that is this, God is amazing.. yeah, I think I can make that statement and have it fit my story... When you least expect something He will do it. You can try your hardest to get somewhere in life and then you give up.. and God says "hey, I was waiting for that.. here you go."

So don’t let the crazy, scary things in life keep you from being who you are meant to be. Because, no matter what, you WILL have to grow up... EVENTUALLY.....

"vivo amare imparare" Translation anyone? "I live to love and to learn" Love the people you have, learn from the things that happen to you... and LIVE for it.. enjoy it.. the good times and the bad.. because they all make you into the person you will be... That’s the end of my crazy, random thoughts for now... If you put up with reading any of this I hope you actually understood some of it.. If not, then it would be a shame..

As Always,

"Vivo amare imparare"