Sunday, June 29, 2008

Finally Home?

Again, the lack of blogging on a regular basis is starting to get to me. I do not like feeling as if I have guilt tripped myself into writing however. Therefore, I am just going to talk about what I want to talk about. If something important and relevant comes to mind, so be it. If it doesn't though, then satisfy yourself with whatever I have to say.

My life in one word. Let's start off by giving you the word that best describes my life right now. First, I'd like to point out that I spent a ton of time thinking of what word should describe it. I've gone through lists and lists in my mind; all the way from "lethargic" to, "blustery" to, "adored" to, "complacent." You get the idea that I am rather moody right now? I think however that the word that best describes me right now is infact the word "blessed." Yes, though I am exhausted, sick, confused, distracted, stressed, restless, pensive, and many other things, I am still quite blessed.

I returned from Hume Lake yesterday afternoon; a Christian camp that I went to with a lot of my friends. I loved it but wow, I am so glad I'm finally home! Or am I? Keep reading this blog and my previous two sentences will make sense in the end. Man, I realized some things there that I haven't thought of before. From reading my last blog you will have seen that I went to a Christian conference in Palm Springs a couple weeks ago that completely changed my life. Well, this camp just continued to change me. I've been to Hume Lake before, but this year I learned unlike I have in the past.

Back to being blessed. Why, after saying how I feel right now and how all of those emotions are not emotions of happiness and pleasure, can I say that I am "blessed?" Friends, I am blessed beyond words. Here's an analogy for you that I got from camp. It will most likely be confusing to you out of context, especially if you weren't there, but here goes. My life is like an "eternity rope." There is this small little speck on the end of this rope that represents my life here on earth; and then, there is the rest of this rope that spreads out for the rest of eternity and it represents my life after this. The things I go through now that seem so painful and terrible, will all seem like nothing in the future that I have. God has blessed me with this eternal life and with the excitement of looking forward to what's after this. No, I do not want to die. I am not insane, depressed, or otherwise out of my mind. I have however come to the realization that I should count my trials all joy because I can look at God and know the amazing future that I will have with him.

I know I am confusing many of you. I know that you think my typical writing is very logical and understandable and that I am a decent writer who can relay her thoughts through words. Right now however, I cannot do that. The words of a mere mortal can never ever relay the beauty and majesty of God. I attempt to tell of the things he has done in my life and I fail. I attempt to tell others of grace, justice, and mercy, but I fail. The only way that my words will make sense to anyone is through God himself opening their eyes and ears and making them understand my pathetic excuse for speech and thought.

This may seem rather out of place in this blog, but I would like to give the lyrics to a song that has had an immense impact on my worship recently. It is titled "Finally Home" by the band "Enfield."

Finally Home

On Jordan’s stormy banks I stand
And cast a wishful eye
To Canaan’s fair and happy land
Where my possessions lie.

All o’er those wide extended plains
Shines one eternal day;
There God the Son forever reigns
And scatters night away.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at Your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

No chilling winds nor pois’nous breath
Can reach that healthful shore;
Sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

When shall I reach that happy place,
And be forever blessed?
When shall I see my Father’s face,
And in his safe hands rest?

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing,
“Hallelujah!” We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing.
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

God is Awesome. Period. End of story. There are not enough words to describe God. There never will be. He is the beginning and the end. He is the first and the last. He is the Alpha and the Omega. All I can do is live my life for Him. That is what I have resolved to do in the past few weeks. I have learned many things, but I have resolved myself to living my life to the fullest. Not for myself, but for God.

I realize I haven't written much about camp. To write about that now would seem very childish in comparison to the things I have just finished saying. So, maybe in my next blog I will give you a few highlights; but for now this is it for the world outside my window.

As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Power Of God

The weekend of June 13th this year was spent at the most life changing event that I have ever experienced. Well, what a way to start off a blog right? Yes, every word of that is true.
I spent this past weekend in Palm Springs at a Christian conference called Resolved.

I was priveledged to hear some of the greatest preachers to ever walk the earth. I am not joking. To name a few there were, John Piper, John MacArthur, Steve Lawson, CJ Mahaney, and a few others.

This conference is mainly for college students and highschool upperclassmen. Therefore, I spent these days with so many other people near my age who were experiencing so many of the same things as I am. I can't even begin to explain how much my life was changed by this experience. All I have to say is this; God is amazing, awesome, great, so powerful, and so merciful.

I saw people saved. I saw people's lives changed. I saw my life changed. Oh, and to hear the voices of three thousand singing to the God of the universe, it makes you weep. There is nothing more I can blog about this. There is to much to say. If you have questions though feel free to ask me. I am always available to talk. It may take me time to answer you, but I will when I can.

In His grace,

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

All Summer Long

Let's start this blog off good ok? My life is insane right now. I'm in such a good mood. Why is that? That my friend's is because I'm going to Palm Springs this friday for a 5 day conference and my best friend is going with me! The word "excited" doesn't even begin to cover my mood.

I have a lot of amazing things planned this summer! Palm Springs first off, and then Hume Lake. Hume lake is probably the most amazing camp I could ever go to. I get to spend the whole week with some of my best friends, and it's a christian camp so I'm going to learn alot to.

Oh, off the subject, I'd like to mention how absolutely amazing music is. Isn't it cool how listening to a song can put you in a totally different mood than you started off in? That is the best type of music. Some of you who are fans of older music may have noticed that the title of this blog is the title to a famous Beach Boys song as well. I felt it only an appropriate title for this blog and if you haven't heard the song in a while, I suggest you go listen. It will put you in a good mood.

I'm really not sure I have anything "important" or "relevent to life" to talk about today. Nothing for you all to learn from or anything, but I will tell you what I've been up to!

Work, work, work, and well, more work. Work has been crazily busy lately because school's out and families are shopping together. I have been doing a ton of stuff that I never do because they need my help. Stocking shelves, that is not in my job description, however, when they beg me to help, I do my best. Oh, I'd like to point out the fact that the people I work with are amazing. We have fun. Yes, I used the word "fun." You may ask the question, "how is it even possible to have fun while 'working?'" Well, it is possible. When you want to have fun, you find a way.

My wrists have been killing me lately. Many of my good friends know I have bad wrist problems. That's not a good thing to have when you are a musician and you work at a physically demanding job. My wrists go back and forth with feeling terrible and feeling "so so." It's really annoying when three of the things you love most in your life demand strong hands and wrists and you have terrible ones to offer. What are those three things? They are, playing piano, playing tennis, and playing volleyball. Do you see my point? I have tried everything. All sorts of supplements and vitamins but nothing really seems to help for a prolonged amount of time. So pray for me, I always have to make a fast recovery but usually when they get as bad as they have gotten it takes a while for them to heal up.

Well basically I think that concludes this blog for the world outside my window today.

As always,
Vivo amare imparare

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Do you trust me?

I haven't written in weeks. It's becoming hard to write about what's been going on.
So, I am going to do my best. The last two weeks have been very hard for me to even get time to write. I got sick a couple weeks ago and I am still not over it. It turned into a sinus infection and I thought I was going to have to go into the ER. (I really didn't want to do that). So, I didn't. I'm getting better though, I went to the doctor. My sister however has been in the hospital since last friday. She came down with pneumonia and since she's handicapped it's life threatening for her. They may or may not release her today. My family has not been home. They've all been at the hospital with her.

I've felt kind of selfish I must admit for wanting anyone to care about me and how I am doing when my sister is the one in the hospital. But, it's amazing how I've seen God take care of me through all of this. He brought some people back into my life and if one of them hadn't have been there for me on one of those nights I don't know what I would have done. I think sometimes God sends us people to be our own little angels in times of extreme need. That's what He has done for me.

Trust. What does it really mean to trust someone? I'm not sure I can even answer that question. I am however going to give it my best try. To trust someone, is to make yourself compleately vulnerable to them. I am not kidding. Trust is putting yourself in their hands and having faith in them that they are not going to hurt you or betray you. Trust is allowing someone the oppertunity to hurt you.

So tell me, how many people do you truly trust? It's not just something you can say. You can't say "oh yes I trust ____ they are such a great person." Do you mean what you say? Think about it. Do you really put yourself into someone else's hands and have faith in them that they will not betray you and will not hurt you and will always have your best interests in mind? I think the answer to that is, not very often. It's rare to find someone that you really can trust. Because even if someone is trustworthy, it doesn't mean we will always believe they are. We guard ourselves. We put up constant walls. We do every single thing that says we do not trust them, and then we say we do.

I will be honest. In my lifetime up until this point, there has only been one person outside of my family that I truly trust. I would trust them with my life. The strangest part about this is that I have never gotten that close to them. We are not best friends. We do not hang out 24/7. But I trust this person. Sometimes you don't understand things that happen to you, but you know when they are good or bad. I just want to point out with everything I am saying though that I don't think people really trust the people they say they do. Now, I do not think I have "trust" issues. It's not like I block out the whole world and will not let them in. So if I am fairly average, then it is a good possibility that people do not really trust the 10 or 15 people they are always saying they trust. Just a thought. Think about it.

Now, I don't post my music on here much. I'm not sure I ever have, but I am going to share a song I wrote. I'm not quite sure why, but I want people to see this one. Story time. I wrote it about a guy. (yeh shocker right.) I have only ever written one other thing about him. That is the odd part. One person is usually inspiration for 5 or 10 works of mine whether they be music or poetry, but this one, has inspired only two things. I think the reason for that is because I never feel that I can fully show through words how great he is. *rolls eyes* I am starting to sound oh so cliche. Sorry about that. Anyway, I have trashed so many things that I've written about this guy because I didn't think they did him justice. So here is my new work. I want some honest opinions on it. I am going to post below the new song, and the older poem. (also written about him.)

Here you go.

Confessions of A Teenage Heart

The rain is falling on my face
Yet all I feel's the warmth of your embrace.
I can't go on without you here.
You wash away all my deepest fears.

Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

Oh time is passing on and on
And what I've learned is not to waste my words.
I know you can see right through me
Yes you always have through all these years.

You came into my life.
You gave me back my heart.
And now they all say we are a work of art.
Will you ever see
When you stand next to me
How my heart will always skip.. A beat.

Boy I am learining every day
That I can love you more than words can say.
Oh I wish I could make you see
Your words always have a way with me.

Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

Some say you're like a drug to me

'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.


Merciful Vow

Darkness is crowding me, with no place to hide.
There's a fear that wont cease, a pain that wont subside.
As my life goes by, ticking just as a clock,
I hear on my door a soft beating knock.
I want to cry out, though fearing no one will hear,
But then I remember that you will be near.
Through the darkness, the anguish, the cruel hearted hate,
You are here as my comfort and a guide of my way.

Somehow you see through the tears and the pain of my life,
A beauty so faint because of it's strife.
When no one else listens and no one else hears,
You always understand my faint hearted fears.
You are my friend, my hope, my gift from above,
The one God has given me by His mercy and love.
He has given me a friend, a friend who is true.
He has given me a friend, honest through and through.

As your prayer for me, so is my prayer for you,
That God will always be a comfort to you.
Though I don't know all your fears and your pain,
I will always tell you to call on His name.
Thank you for the joys and the laughter that you've given me.
For now, to my heart, you hold a key.
You are now free to come and to go,
For you will never be my heart's foe.

You have my trust, you have my peace,
You now have all of what you've given to me.
For what I've been given, I now give in return.
My faith in you has been fully earned.
No matter what, I will not take it back,
For that would be the cruelest of acts.
So I pray God will keep you from tears and the pain.
If he does not you can call on my name.
I will come to you in your darkest of times,
So that, my friend, you will not become blind.
Blind to the laughter and joys you could face,
If you only remain in God's glorious grace.

As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.