Sunday, April 27, 2008

Broken hearts and peace of mind

Well, so much for writing a new blog everyday. Goodness, I have been so busy lately! Life is crazy, terrible, exciting, new, and everything else you can think of. So, I hope you are all ready for a very long update.

I will start off with work. Work is going well. I am starting to not worry so much because I'm getting better at knowing everything I'm supposed to do. Not having the training for it kind of sucks, but I'm making it through. I have made some new friends there. My boss is telling me I'm amazing and that I'm one of the best baggers they've ever had there. Hearing stuff like that makes me happy, and makes me think I must be doing alright. You know how sometimes, there are people that you just click with the moment you meet them? I do. There is this one guy I work with... Now before I go any farther, get the thought out of your head that this is about someone I have a crush on... because, it is not. Anyway, this guy I work with is really fun, and he is always happy, and he and I make a great team. It's nice having someone like that. When you like the people you work with, it almost doesn't seem like work. Anyway, whenever we are working a register together, people always come through, and if they are grumpy when they get into the line, they by no means leave feeling or acting the same way. We are their quote "sideshow" to shopping. In short, we put on a show for them and they leave feeling entertained. Now I must say, that does not go unnoticed by our boss. So we are always getting compliments for our teamwork.

Well that's it for what I have to say about work. Now, as for other parts of my life, they are not going so great. I recently found out that someone I really cared about is not a christian. For me, my faith is the most important thing in my life. If it were not for God, I would not be here. If it were not for God, I would go to hell. I can't even begin to get accross in words how much it has impacted me to find out that someone I love, as a friend, does not share that faith with me. He even lied to me about it ever since I met them. He has grown up lying to everyone. He grew up going to church, youth events, and he grew up in a family of believers, and has been lying to all of us. Now, I do not want to offend those who do not believe in God, but this is my blog, about my life and my faith, therefore I will say that which I believe. My friend, is an Athiest. For those of you who have not learned what that is, an Athiest is one who does not believe in the existance of God, or any "god's" for that matter. The fact that this friend has chosen to not accept Christ has left me broken hearted in every way imaginable. I have had a part of my world torn apart, and was left feeling useless. But that feeling of despair and uselessness brought me to a reality check. I realized just how much I rely on God for the my very existance. Without him, my life is in vain. There is nothing I can do in my own strength, and He provides everything for me. There is nothing I can say to this friend that he has not heard already, and even if I could say anything that he has not heard, it is in vain unless God opens his eyes and heart to those words. I often take for granted the life I've been given, but through this trial God has been drawing me closer and closer to Him. I do not know what the future holds for this friendship, but I do know that whatever may come, God is in control of it all. To my friends out there who read this, I ask you to pray. You may or may not know this person I am talking about, but even if you do not, I ask you to pray. God does answer prayers; and I have been begging him to answer mine. Please pray for me also, I have not been holding up all that great under this, and I need all the support I can get.

Now that I have spilled about everything going on with my faith as of recently, I want to say what has been going on with my heart. It is amazing to see how God works in me. Many of you who have known me a very long time remember that I have not always been the girl who is patient and waits on God to give someone to her to love. I have always been a "go getter." I've been the girl who would like someone and she would go after them. Well, I am not like that anymore. I have learned through many trials I have been going through lately that God does know what is best for me. I have come to the realization that he will provide for all of my needs. I just have to trust Him and have the patience to do so. After a recent experience of having my heart broken, I was left feeling, not empty, or without a purpose, but feeling that God has something, someone, better out there for me. I do not have that desire to go after just anyone anymore. That is saying something for those of you who know who I was. I know that whatever God has in store for me, is the best possible, and I take an extreme amount of peace in that.

Well my friends, that is all for the world outside my window for today. I hope that you have learned something from my life that you can apply to yours.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"



allison wonderland said...

hannah thankyou...
prayers are what i rely on right now

every bit helps

however, i want to correct you on one thing.
nick has not been "lying his whole life" he states that he truely was a christian and had faith in jesus christ. faith he defended.
faith he now denys

only God knows nick's heart
but according to him, becuase he was a christian; it doesn't matter what i do know, becuase once you are saved you cannot be unsaved according to the Christian faith.
I don't know what to think of this

i think about this too much
i hate living in the same house with him
he is not my brother
not the one i know
i don't know who he is anymore

all we can do is pray
pray fervently
that God will turn him around again
and pray for me please
and my family
and the affect this is having on all of us.

love you <3

Alexis said...

Shedding the term "Christian" can be extremely liberating, especially if you are pressed in on all sides by Christians. I lost that moniker a few years ago and that was as important in my life as those who freshly don it. I do believe nothing can separate you from God... once he's got his hooks in you. ;) Not even yourself. The best thing to do is be open-minded (as in put yourself in his shoes, not as in take in every point of view as absolute), be encouraging, ask questions and keep conversation lines open. You'd be surprised what comes down to semantics.

As for Trader Joes, did I mention that was like food mecca down here? Very cool.

You write well. That's a gift.