The tragedies of over thinking and under acting

Ok, I am going to start this blog off by saying, that below is something I wrote last night. I did not have a computer so I did something extreamly out of character. I picked up a pen and some paper and started to scrawl it out. I have not done that for a very long time, but this was far to important to leave to write till the next day. This blog is directed more towards women than men. But you guys are welcome to read it, maybe you will learn a few things too.

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This is one for all you cynics out there.
Why is it that so constantly, all of the seemingly "good" men out there are often attached to women who's IQ's are lower than Britney Spear's and Paris Hilton's IQ's pooled together? Come on ladies, Haven't most of us thought this at least once in our life, even if it was only for a moment? Is it because they feel impowered because they are smarter? (I use the word "smart" loosly) Is it all just a power trip? Do "they," those females who laugh at everything and seem to think only about nonsense really have anything we are incapable of posessing?

All of my writing up until this point seems to be nothing but a never ending stream of questions. However, I am now going to give some of my answers. First off, why do men choose the above described type of women? I do not have an answer for this. Now wait! Before you give up and decide not to read any further because I am dissapointing you, STOP! I am going to say something important. Ready? Not all men choose women like that. Just because he may appear "good" does not mean he is. Also, the type of woman a man chooses says alot about him.

What do you think when you see a guy who is out with a total, well, a total tramp? Do you think he is dating her to find out what her favourite book is? I think not. But there are a few "good" men out there who truely not only appear good, but indeed are. Ladies, what I am trying to say is this: THERE IS HOPE!! Do not settle. Never settle for less, because one of those good ones may come along one day and you will be taken, so he will move on.

Now, time for some tough love. Not all of the blame can be placed on men for dating the type of women I described earlier. You may complain and say that it is unfair that "he" would choose someone like that over you. But hear me now. There is always a reason. Now for that tough love. I said earlier, do they "really have anything we are incapable of posessing?" The answer to that is no. Flat out NO. However, they do have some things many of us often ignore as being important qualities when we are in a relationship.

1. A good sense of humor
2. Enjoying HIM. (don't panic! info to come.)
3. Having fun

Now as far as number one is concerned, a good sense of humor is key. Ok, now I am going to be a bit "harsh" as some of my friends call me. Many women refuse to find their man's jokes funny. Now, do not get me wrong, I know that alot of the time, they are not funny, but when they are, we often refuse to laugh. This is a strange phenomenon, but you must agree that it often occurs.

Number two. Enjoying HIM. Ok, this probably comes accross as confusing to some of you, but I will try to explain myself. Enjoy who he is, not who you want to make him into. Laugh at his dumb jokes. Love how he can make you laugh at anything. Tell him how much you adore that he can always cheer you up just by being there. LET him cheer you up. All these things seem totally simple right? that's because they are! We are often just to preoccupied with thinking because of that high IQ of our's that we forget to do the little things.

Number three. Have fun. I know what you are thinking. "She's kidding right? We all know how to have fun." Well I am not going to tell you how to have fun, but I am going to tell you it is something we often overlook. Why? Let me give you an example. You are cooking an amazing, romantic dinner for you and your significant other. The pasta burns. You spill sugar all over the floor. (OH MY GOSH!! ANTS!) And your precious dog decides to chew up your favourite pair of shoes. Therefore, he get's there and says, "let's go to the pizza parlor." Are you likely going to have much fun under the circumstances? No. Why? Because you are stressed out because you think everything was ruined for the night. Here is what you should learn to do. Let go of yourself. Have fun. Because, no matter where you are, what you are eating, or what you are wearing on your feet, all that matters is him. We get so stressed out that we forget to have fun. So remember to enjoy him, because it is the most important thing.

Just doing these three little things makes you more appealing to those "good" men. Why? Because they want the real you. Not the stressed out, compleatly not fun version you become once you have a boyfriend. Like I tell many people, my motto is "vivo amare imparare." English, "I live to love and to learn." Live your life. Love those people you have, and learn from that which you love so dearly.

Now as a fun, slightly demented and yet quirky side note, I would like to share a break up quote that one of my best friends shared with me.

There are phases of a break up

1. Not believing it's true.

2. Realizing it is true.

3. Crying because you feel as if you have lost your best f riend.

4. ANGER.

5. Considering thoughts of keying his car.

6. Keying his car with your friends.

7. Regretting keying his car.

8. Finalizing that you will never talk to him again.

Now that you have read something slightly humorous, I ask that you put up with me just a little bit longer.

I do not claim to be an expert on romance. God know's I've done my fair share of ruining good things myself. However, I have learned some from my many mistakes. I've gone through the "being jaded" phase, where I wouldn't let any guy into my heart. Believe me though, that is a mistake. The facts are these: Men will love you. Men will hurt you. Men will betray you. And one day, you will find the one you are meant to be with forever. He will love you. He will hurt you; but he will never betray you. "patience is a virtue."; it is a virtue that we should all strive to have. So I am not going to say that "one day your prince will come." I find that far to cliche. (besides, we all know that princes have major power trips. Egotism as well. I think it comes from "saving" to many maidens.) I will say this: One day, you will see clearly. I cannot say what you will see, or when this will h appen. It's different for everyone, but when it happens, everything will feel right, even if only for that moment.

As Always,

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~

Broken hearts and peace of mind

Well, so much for writing a new blog everyday. Goodness, I have been so busy lately! Life is crazy, terrible, exciting, new, and everything else you can think of. So, I hope you are all ready for a very long update.

I will start off with work. Work is going well. I am starting to not worry so much because I'm getting better at knowing everything I'm supposed to do. Not having the training for it kind of sucks, but I'm making it through. I have made some new friends there. My boss is telling me I'm amazing and that I'm one of the best baggers they've ever had there. Hearing stuff like that makes me happy, and makes me think I must be doing alright. You know how sometimes, there are people that you just click with the moment you meet them? I do. There is this one guy I work with... Now before I go any farther, get the thought out of your head that this is about someone I have a crush on... because, it is not. Anyway, this guy I work with is really fun, and he is always happy, and he and I make a great team. It's nice having someone like that. When you like the people you work with, it almost doesn't seem like work. Anyway, whenever we are working a register together, people always come through, and if they are grumpy when they get into the line, they by no means leave feeling or acting the same way. We are their quote "sideshow" to shopping. In short, we put on a show for them and they leave feeling entertained. Now I must say, that does not go unnoticed by our boss. So we are always getting compliments for our teamwork.

Well that's it for what I have to say about work. Now, as for other parts of my life, they are not going so great. I recently found out that someone I really cared about is not a christian. For me, my faith is the most important thing in my life. If it were not for God, I would not be here. If it were not for God, I would go to hell. I can't even begin to get accross in words how much it has impacted me to find out that someone I love, as a friend, does not share that faith with me. He even lied to me about it ever since I met them. He has grown up lying to everyone. He grew up going to church, youth events, and he grew up in a family of believers, and has been lying to all of us. Now, I do not want to offend those who do not believe in God, but this is my blog, about my life and my faith, therefore I will say that which I believe. My friend, is an Athiest. For those of you who have not learned what that is, an Athiest is one who does not believe in the existance of God, or any "god's" for that matter. The fact that this friend has chosen to not accept Christ has left me broken hearted in every way imaginable. I have had a part of my world torn apart, and was left feeling useless. But that feeling of despair and uselessness brought me to a reality check. I realized just how much I rely on God for the my very existance. Without him, my life is in vain. There is nothing I can do in my own strength, and He provides everything for me. There is nothing I can say to this friend that he has not heard already, and even if I could say anything that he has not heard, it is in vain unless God opens his eyes and heart to those words. I often take for granted the life I've been given, but through this trial God has been drawing me closer and closer to Him. I do not know what the future holds for this friendship, but I do know that whatever may come, God is in control of it all. To my friends out there who read this, I ask you to pray. You may or may not know this person I am talking about, but even if you do not, I ask you to pray. God does answer prayers; and I have been begging him to answer mine. Please pray for me also, I have not been holding up all that great under this, and I need all the support I can get.

Now that I have spilled about everything going on with my faith as of recently, I want to say what has been going on with my heart. It is amazing to see how God works in me. Many of you who have known me a very long time remember that I have not always been the girl who is patient and waits on God to give someone to her to love. I have always been a "go getter." I've been the girl who would like someone and she would go after them. Well, I am not like that anymore. I have learned through many trials I have been going through lately that God does know what is best for me. I have come to the realization that he will provide for all of my needs. I just have to trust Him and have the patience to do so. After a recent experience of having my heart broken, I was left feeling, not empty, or without a purpose, but feeling that God has something, someone, better out there for me. I do not have that desire to go after just anyone anymore. That is saying something for those of you who know who I was. I know that whatever God has in store for me, is the best possible, and I take an extreme amount of peace in that.

Well my friends, that is all for the world outside my window for today. I hope that you have learned something from my life that you can apply to yours.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~

Run for your life!

Wow. Well as you can see it has been a few days since my last post. I will now attempt to give you my reason and make it into a somewhat enjoyable blog. *evil grin*

Well let's see, tuesday I started my first day of training at Trader Joes. It was fun, exciting, slightly confusing, and mostly, above all, it was exhausting!



I am being trained by a girl who is only about a year older than I am, so we get along really well. I learned to bag, do cart runs, (running around the parking lot bringing the carts back to the store) cleaning, stocking, and lots of miscellaneous things around the store. I must say, four hours on your feet with only a fifteen minute break, now that is exhausting. It is especially exhausting because you are not just standing in one place the whole time. You are running around the store trying to find stuff for customers, you are running through the parking lot dodging crazy people driving cars they should never be allowed to get behind the wheel of in the first place, you are dealing with really mean (mind you only a few) customers who no matter what you do they think you are doing a terrible job, and you are playing the part of a happy camper all day.



I did not realize how intense the job would be. I will freely admit I did not expect to be running for my life the first day. (dodging crazy drivers remember) However, it is very rewarding. I love the people I'm working with even more now that I have gotten to know them better. My boss is still great. He even gave me and my trainer free lunch because he thought I was doing so amazingly on my first day. I did not mention the heavy lifting they have you do. Ok, maybe not "heavy" for a guy; but for a girl, man it get's old really fast! lifting 25 pound cubes of paper bags and loading them onto dollys and carting them to the front of the store and unloading them and distributing them to the registers is probably at this moment my least favorite part of the job. But hey, my arms are looking good already. *hehe*



Now, I know alot of you out there who read my blog have jobs. Maybe you are a hard working career person who spends their day in the office. Maybe you spend your day cooking food in a diner. There is one thing however that makes work better for each and every one of us no matter what our field; that thing is great co-workers!!! If you have to work with someone who is a complete ass you are not going to enjoy your life. If you work with someone whom you get along with and like being around, you are going to feel alot better about going into work each time.

These are just my thoughts for the day. And that's it for the world oustide my window.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah

Responsibility

So today is just going to be me talking about my life. I know this is not the typical type of writing I do. I usually talk about certain topics relevent to most people's lives, but today I am going to talk about myself.

So I have come to a realization about my family. The more I grow up and become more independent, the more my parents pull me in every direction trying to keep my their little girl. They stretch me to the max just to prove that I'm not mature enough to deal with things in life and that I should still rely on them. Does this seem wrong to anyone else besides me?

I mean come on. I understand parents being hard pressed to let their little girl, their last born grow up, because they are scared to lose her. No, I do not have a problem with that, but when they purposely try to stretch you out in all areas of your life just so that you won't want to go, now that is something I have a problem with!

I am a fairly independent person. I have a job, a car, I can pay for my own food if I need to, I'm not required to pay rent yet because I'm only 16 and my parents are not going to charge me untill I am 18, but I could pay rent if required. Yet, even though I am proving that I am learning to be mature and responsible with finances, with people, and with my life in general, they still feel they should treat me as a child. I understand certain restrictions on things I should be allowed to and not allowed to do. I am only 16 afterall; but I don't think I should be treated as if I am not mature, responsible, independent, or intelligent!

Now you may think that this is just another teenage girl venting on her parents. We all do that sometimes, but that's not what I am trying to do right now. Yes, I will admit that there is a certain amount of hostility in this blog, but that is mostly because of the load of stress I am under right now. My point to most of this is just this simple: What one of my views of the role of a parent should be is this, a parent is the one who gives you life, but they should also train you up to be a mature and responsible adult so that you can be independent and function in the world on your own. I think that a person who does not do this really is not accomplishing their role. My parents should be teaching me the skills I need in life and the responsibility to use them so that I can live on my own. This is what I think all parents should be doing.

Lately I've been under alot of stress because I have a new job. I got this job so that I could save up to move out. My parents know that this is my plan, and they have also been fighting me on the subject of moving out ever since I first brought it up. Therefore, they are happy that I got this job, but also unhappy at the same time because they know what I am saving the money for. So in return they have been putting alot of strain on me to do things and not do things just because they want me to depend on them more. They restrict me from alot more things than they used to, and they require more of me than I think should be required.

Well, this is just a little bit about my life right now. I do have alot more to say but alas I do not have the time to type it out right now. Hey, who knows, maybe I'll write a book someday. Well as for now, this is just the world outside my window.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"

Hannah

Eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow you may get fired.

Right now I am so tired that I almost don't think I can write anything that could possibly make sense. But, I shall give it a go.

Today was my first day of work.* da da da duuuum* It was painfully tiring. I didn't even start training. (for those of you who do not know, I work at Trader Joes). Man, I spent two hours filling out paperwork. Yeah, here's a shout out to the U.S. Government for making me go through all this. (and no, that was not true gratitude). I was supposed to start work today, according to my employer, but he did not remember he had to sign my work permit application and that I have to go have it approved before I can actually "officially" start. *rolls eyes*. I did however fill out all the crappy paperwork I had to so that when I go in next week I can actually start training! Yay me right?

Well, I am totally excited. I have been trying to find a job for FIVE months!! Gosh, I didn't realize how hard it would be to get a job until the first three months had gone by. Then, I thought about it and realized it was going to take alot more work than I thought it would. The economy is at such a low right now. Hardly anyone is hiring. More importantly, hardly anyone is hiring someone under the age of eighteen; especially if it is their first job!

So I spent a few weeks trying to get this job. Ok ok, I spent about a month trying to get this job; and after two interviews with some awesome managers, I finally got it. It is going to be so much fun. I love the people I'm working with; not to mention the employee discount I get. Yes, I love Trader Joes. So you people who live in the general area of Folsom, California, go do some of your shopping at Trader Joes!

I just figured something new out about me. I can actually be a really outgoing person if I put my mind to it! Ok, I'll admit I don't usually put myself out there to be social, but, for this job it is a requirement. Hey, I already know about nine new people just from my first day! That's more people than I usually make friends with in a five year period of time. I have never been the "social butterfly" that these people see me as. I have been for the majority of my life, a "loner". I've been the kid who kind of stays to the back of the room. The kid who doesn't have many friends; and the kid who's friends don't really even know her. *haha* I guess change can be a very VERY good thing.

Oh, I also realized something else today. I hate gas prices!!! yes, this is my comedic paragraph. Gosh, I knew ever since the day I got my license that gas was going to be hard to pay for, but man, commuting is hell for it. I have it roughly figured out that out of how much I earn per month, I am going to spend near $50 bucks just on commuting back and forth between my house and work. That just makes me sick. Again, thank you to the U.S. government for contributing to problems in the economy so that this blog is made possible. Without you, I would have very little to talk about.

So that's the world outside my window for today. And for now, eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow you may get fired.

P.S. Sorry for the cynicism. It comes with the vocation.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~

Time Management

So I was on my way home today and as I was driving down the road a string of thoughts went through my mind, that led to this blog.

First, I saw all these cars on the road and thought to myself, 'ahh gosh I hate traffic! I'm never going to get home on time!' Then I thought, 'where are all these people coming from and heading to?' Then as I thought about it I thought about how they are like ants. Seriously now, I am not just saying this. They rush back and forth between home, work, dinner, taking family to various places they need to be, and do they ever stop and just think about how most of it is just insignificantly stressing them out?

I mean come on people! Do we ever stop to think? Do we think about where we are going and what we are doing and above all do we EVER come to the conclusion that it is not as important as we want to make it? Now hear me out. Ladies, is that major sale at the mall really worth yelling at your family to make them get ready in time so you won't be late? Guys, is that basketball game really worth getting in a fight with your family just so they will leave you alone so you can watch it?

My point is this alright: When does being responsible and busy with the important things of life turn into this overboard, unsensible rush to make it through the day?

I think that if people would ever take the time to just stop, rewind the tape, and look at their life in slow motion, they might, possibly, hopefully start to realize that slowing down could be a better, more responsible way to live.

Honestly people, if you just take the time to get your thoughts together, (yes, you do have thoughts in your head even though you try to push them out of there as much as possible.) you would see what things really are the most important. Like, family, friends, the people in your life who love you. Yes yes, even your boyfriend or girlfriend; they are more important than that sale or basketball game right? If you don't think so, then re-read this blog because you need to get your priorities straight.

Another thing. Why do we insist that every second, of every minute of our day be filled with something to do? What would happen if we just relaxed? What would happen if we sat down and read a book? I shall clarify that last example; a book that we are not assigned to read for a class. Now do not take what I am saying as an excuse for being lazy and not doing the important things in your life. But understand me; I do not think people should go through every day without taking time slow down, maybe even stop, and enjoy what they have accomplished.

Anyway, this is just some stuff I was thinking about today. I didn't put a ton of thought into it but I wanted to say it just incase it would do anyone any good.

And that's just the world outside my window.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"

Hannah

Dream a little dream of me

So you want to know what's new with me today do you?

Well today my life has been crazy. I would like to address the topic of "dreams." Dreams can take on a number of different characteristics. They can be exciting. They can be scary. They can be fun. They can be terribly boring. Personally, my dreams usually take on the characteristics of multiple clashing things.

Last night for example, I had a dream that I am still deciding about. I can't tell if I should call it a nightmare, or a good dream. It was good, and bad, all at the same time. I enjoyed it, and yet, when I woke up I felt terrible because of it. I would guess that most people know the kind of dream I'm talking about.

Moving on. I played tennis today. Tennis is definitely one of my most favorite pass times. I play with whoever will play with me. I don't care if they are amazing players, or if they can hardly get the ball over the net. I just love to play.

Oh, now for the exciting and confusing part of my life. I have a friend who's brother lives in another state. I've been friends with their family for a really long time. Every single time he comes to visit I end up confused for months. Right about the time I get unconfused, he comes for another visit and bammm the cycle starts all over again. *rolls eyes*. It's an interesting thing friendship is. One moment, you can be practically enemies with a person, and the next, it's like you've been good friends with them your whole life.

Well, I have decided that I am not who I used to be. You know, it's interesting how we so often try to remain the way we have been in the past, just for the sake of not changing. We are so scared of change. I have decided however, that it is about time I accept the fact that I have changed. People who have known me my whole life, would probably agree with this conclusion. I have tried for so long to pretend that I'm the perfect, inocent girl I always used to be. Because man, people grow up, and they are not so inocent anymore. Life changes us, people change us, circumstances and experiences also change us. When you finally accept yourself for who you are, I've realized other people start accepting you to.

I have had some good experiences that have changed me for the better; and I have had some bad experiences that have left me jaded. The thing is, you can't grow up without changing into someone new. Life leaves scars. I have learned to deal with them. Life also gives us things that make up for all those scars; like love, and friendship, and family.

Well that's it for the world outside my window for today.

As Always,

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~

Friendship

So I've been thinking about the human establishment of "friendship" lately; and there is something in particular that I think everyone thinks about even if it's only once in a while.

How can you tell if the person you know is really your friend, or if they are just using you?

Well I've been putting thought into this and I have come up with a few ideas. I have had alot of people in my life, and there are some that I would consider my "best friends." But what is it that makes them a "best friend"? Is it someone who is nice to you and buys you stuff and says that you are like the sister they never had? Or is it someone who hurts you repeatedly and then tries to blame it on something happening in their lives? Or, I will submit another scenario. Is it someone who cares about you and would give their life for you? Someone, whom you may fight with, disagree with, hurt, but someone who you would also die for because of your friendship? Well, if you agreed with my third scenario then I would have to give you my utmost and honest approval.

Now to get to the part about my life. I have a friend who I am very close to. We spend alot of time together and we tell each other everything. Everything from what we ate for lunch, to the guy we are head over heals for, to what we want to do with our lives. But, this friend and I also fight. Oh boy do we fight. I think that she and I have definitely become as close to being sisters as we can be without being blood related. The thing is, I would risk my life for her, and I think she would do the same for me.

John 15:13 says this: "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." I think that is the truest friendship you could ever have. I am not saying that someone who wouldn't lay down their life for you is not your friend. I am saying merly this, that a friend who would die for you, is someone that you should do everything within your power to stay close to.

Well, I have this other friend. Yes, this friend and I get along swell. We talk all the time. We share secrets. We trust each other. But, she lies about me. She lies to me. She lies about things that are very important. What's even more sad is this, she hurts the other people around me. I can't call someone like this a "best friend." I know her intentions are often good, but at times they are very hurtful. I don't know what to do sometimes when it comes to being friends with this person. She has never hurt me personally, but she has hurt people that I love.

So here is one of my conclusions. If someone hurts you on a regular basis, and adds more pain to your life than one of your best friends does (keeping in mind my definition of a best friend) then I think this; they are not a true friend.

Another question that this brings up is this: What should I do about people like this in my life?

I do not like to give advice to my friends about who they should and shouldn't be friends with because it is not my place to be giving advice like that. Who you let be part of your life should be your decision and your decision alone. I will however tell them that they need to protect themselves. If someone comes at you with a knife, would you not feel it the right thing to do to defend yourself with another weapon? If someone tries to do you physical harm you would not stand there and let them beat you would you? Of course not. It make me wonder why we so often stand there and take the emotional blows that people dish out to us on a regular basis. I mean, should we not try to protect ourselves from those as well?

So I keep on talking and talking about this but what does it all come down to? I have been trying to decide what my point is. I think it is safe to say that it is this: Choose your friends wisely. A good friend is hard to find, but they will last a life time. A bad friend is easy to come by, but often very difficult to get rid of.

So to my friends out there, this is my speach of gratitude. To the people out there who have good friends, I say this; let them know that you value them more than your cell phone, or your next peticure, or your most recent boyfriend, because the truth of the matter is, cell phones go out of date, peticures wear off, boyfriends will hurt you, but a true friend will always be there. My value system tells me that they must be a whole lot more important if that is the case.

So this is the most recent update from the world outside my window. I hope you all realize how lucky you are to have that friend that you are thinking about right now.

and as always,

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~

Thoughts On Growing Up

Life is a crazy thing isn’t it?

One minute you are a little kid running around bugging your older siblings...

The next minute you are working your way to prove you are grown up...

You have a job... People in your life you REALLY care about.. besides family..

You don’t care about all the DRAMA anymore...

Yet, there seems to be nothing BUT drama in your life...

My point is, if there could be a point to those ramblings, growing up is hard, and crazy confusing sometimes, but hang in there because it’s also fun.

Another random point that I try to pull outta that is this, God is amazing.. yeah, I think I can make that statement and have it fit my story... When you least expect something He will do it. You can try your hardest to get somewhere in life and then you give up.. and God says "hey, I was waiting for that.. here you go."

So don’t let the crazy, scary things in life keep you from being who you are meant to be. Because, no matter what, you WILL have to grow up... EVENTUALLY.....

"vivo amare imparare" Translation anyone? "I live to love and to learn" Love the people you have, learn from the things that happen to you... and LIVE for it.. enjoy it.. the good times and the bad.. because they all make you into the person you will be... That’s the end of my crazy, random thoughts for now... If you put up with reading any of this I hope you actually understood some of it.. If not, then it would be a shame..

As Always,

"Vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~