Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Consistent Inconsistencies

Once again, I have been slacking in my regularity of informing you of my life.
This will not be full of my views on the world or on anything in particular. It will however be a piece of my soul. I believe that when one writes a piece of literature they are in fact putting a piece of their soul onto paper through the use of a pen and the art of their words. So sit back, and enjoy the next two texts.

Infinitely Finite

Finite goals.
In the end they are nothing.
Infinite possibilities
accompanied by infinite limitations.

Companionship for comfort.
What's the worth of ones faith?
Lost in a life long dream
looking for a means to an end.

The past is the present;
The present the future.
There is no moving forward
If we dwell on what was.

Cause and effect.
Yet we forget what we do.
I drown in metaphors
Searching for conclusions.

Deluded soul.
I search for what is new.
But I'm lost in my conclusions
of what our love was in the past.

You're finally moving forward.
And where does that leave us?
A loss for words, a love untold.
God's brought me to my knees.

A prayer for trust.
I pray that we'll escape
the infinite limitations
that rise like sun over the bay.

Drowning in our love.
Forgetting all that was.
Looking towards infinite possibilities
As a moon that eclipses the sun.



Like a barrel of wine
That has been aged for too long.
That's the amount of time I've spent
trying to right all these wrongs.

I can't press the issues
For fear of your wrath
But I can't live in daydreams
And just make myself laugh.

Like a writer who's blocked,
I've stayed up for days,
Trying to tell you I love you
In a hundred odd ways.

Now three words have been spoken
And I can't take them back.
But these days, all our progress
has come under attack.

Today we fight for our freedoms.
We fight to gain trust
That was taken away
By a beast, best named Lust.

Now we're counting our blessings
as the tree's start to fade.
But I'm green with envy;
An ugly tone of jade.

I want what we had
When we were so full of hope.
Yet it seems that for now,
I will just have to cope.

I am counting the moments
Like time travelers do.
I have faith that one day
Time will lead back to you.


Vivo amare imparare.

-The Missunderstood

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Catch A Glimpse

When my world comes crashing down around me I tend to spiral out of control. We all know this is a somewhat common happening. Well, I was told I'm not allowed to spiral out of control this time to cope. I have to be strong. I have to do stuff for myself to make myself feel better. I have to not beat myself up. Well for the first time in my life I really want to keep the promise I made to do this. I always say I won't drink or smoke my sorrows away but I do anyway. This time, I feel almost as though it is a last chance to prove my love; To prove that I will do anything for the person I made this promise to. To regain the trust I so tragically threw away in one drunken night.

You know who you are, and if you are reading this, never, under any circumstances, forget how much I love you. Whether time heals the wounds or the distance lasts forever, never forget my love.

This is my text that will live on forever; after we both are gone. In hopes to remind lovers of the tragedy that can be had from the follies of one poor night; That it is possible to lose the love of your life because of one poor decision. I pray that this is not my fate. I pray for forgiveness and for grace and for truly inspired trust to carry us through. If that is not granted to me however, I will never forget this text; I will never leave it off of my person. It will be a constant reminder to me of the follies of my youth.

Catch A Glimpse

There is no more to say.
Beauty that cannot be washed away.
We caught a glimpse of love.
It's lost in the disaster of one moment.

Regret haunts a soul that was free.
Lost again.
Drowning in the drink.
Forgetting troubles isn't that easy.

A promise to be strong.
A promise to not be me.
A promise to keep going.
Don't let myself be beat.

A promise that proves love?
Last chance to say I'm sorry?
Possible again to become free?

Given up all hopes.
Thrown away true love
Like one more shot thrown back.
Move on.It's all in the past.

Be strong.
Don't be beat.
Do for yourself;
After all, you're the one in need.

I won't move on.
I must be strong.
Can't forget all of my wrongs.

Won't give in until love returns.
Only love will heal these burns.
Time to recover.
Time to retreat.
Time again,
Don't hit repeat.

I'm done with the past.
Won't drink it away again.
Will it ever be forgiven;
This unspeakable sin?


Friday, October 15, 2010


This post is going to explore an entirely foreign field for me. I have made it a point in past years, especially recent years, not to write about politics or anything political or controversial for that matter. However, I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday researching "Realpolitik" and political views stemming from Germany; I was reading something on wikipedia and listening to Politik by Coldplay and thinking about a conversation I recently had with my dear friend Daniel and this text came to me. Before I let you read it I ask simply that you scan through this post on wikipedia, especially how Realpolitik relates to realism and the Machiavellian mindset, so as to have a better grasp of what my text speaks of. The link is posted below.

Now, for my text:



When the past meets the present
And it blurs into one
Don’t doubt me a moment,
Don’t doubt the passion of one.
When the fires burn,
And the bombs burst away,
Don’t doubt for a second,
Ones power to change.
When freedom is forfeit,
And the world starts to sway,
When truth is forgotten,
We drown in the rain.
Conquer the liars,
Take back from the thieves,
The hope of the nations,
Our right to be free.
In the depths of our torture,
Hearts full of self deceit;
In this world of politics
Can truth compete?
Take back your voices,
Your right to speak;
For truth is our power;
Lies are for the weak.

As you hear me say quite often, please do not take this text at mere face value. For example, I will point out one thing to you and then leave the poem to speak for itself; My lines that say, "When freedom is forfeit and the world starts to sway, when truth is forgotten, we drown in the rain." This is not to be taken at face value.

What I want to get across in this text is that when our basic freedoms to think and speak for ourselves are being taken away by both our government and society itself, and our world starts to sway under lies and ideologies that we ourselves do not want a part in, we drown in the rain. Not rain in it's most basic sense; water. But the reign of our governments who forfeit our freedoms because of ideologies and morals that they believe to be more important. When you approach politics from a realistic and amoral viewpoint, you do not forfeit the greater good for a small group of people or a minute, insignificant mindset held only by a few.

Do not misunderstand me, I do not subscribe to all views held in a Realpolitik world. However, I do agree that in our country and in our world, many times governments compromise in areas that should not be compromised in because they choose ideologies that have been in place for years and years that may actually not be appropriate anymore.

They say grow with the times. If we can grow to accept, value, and respect one another in spite of years and years of slavery and murder because of race and religious beliefs; I think our government needs to grow too. Grow away from ideologies that stem from our government's founding days and step towards progress. Stop putting people in boxes. Stop pushing for equality by segregating one group of people in favor of another. There is a fine balance to be had in a well functioning governmental system; a balance that I by no means claim to understand. All I am here to do is to make you think about the more detailed aspects. Do not just vote on a prop because it claims to do one thing, find out what other things it's going to do and weigh your options, beliefs, and question whether those beliefs are going to benefit others. If they don't, re-evaluate your stance.

Do not be mindless drones in our world. Take back your voices and your right to speak and above all, seek truth. Truth is power; and ultimately truth is what will last in our world and make a real difference.

This is a world I see outside my window. Can you see it too?

Vivo amare imparare.
-The Misunderstood

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Past, Present, Future

Some of you may have begun to think that I was never going to return to this online world and update you on my life. I suppose I am just full of surprises.

Inspiration struck a few days ago and I've been writing non-stop. It has been a very long time since I've had the motivation or the passion to write. Thanks to some changes in my life however, I'm back on the trail of what I'm most passionate about in life.

The next two texts are my newest pieces. In Maliciously Restored, I've painted a picture. However, it is up to you to interpret the picture. All I ask is that you attempt not to take the text at face value. In Tracks, you will witness the story of a girl from my past. No, she is not me, for those of you who are curious, but she was one that I was close to. Tracks is her story.

Maliciously Restored

A melancholy memory;
Bitter, yet sweet.
It haunts me.
A smell;
A taste;
Ignites the deepest pain within.

Once forgotten,
Once ignored,
A figment,
Of imagined things.

The voids widen.
Fear chains this
Once beautiful soul,
As I tremble,
At the base of the mountain.

Towering, enveloping,
Shredding all that
Was pure.
A demon.
An innocent.

Feeble attempts of freedom.
Loss of hope.
What will cause the
Impending destruction?

My soul now trembles.
Lyrics abound from within.
As a siren's song;
Captivating, merciless,

Enveloping all within
It's arms.
Destroying the weak;
Freeing, strengthening,
Empowering the strong.

A blank canvas.
Now pure; now beautiful.

Drugs, They’re your easiest escape.
Role one more blunt,
Cause bad news,
It can always wait.

Stumble across those tracks
Just one more time.
The tracks of lost dreams,
They run along your veins
And through your mind.
You can’t tell where they go no more.
You can’t tell anything,
Can’t tell anything for sure.

Which way’s up, which way’s down?
Don’t care no more.
You just want out,
Out of this god forsaken town.

They said “see that girl she shows no promise.”
You said you’d show them,
You’d make yourself honest.
But it takes one night
And you’re a liar again.
Oh! Baby girl,
It’s too late to make amends.

Stumble across those tracks
Just one more time.
The tracks of lost dreams,
They run along your veins
And through your mind.
You can’t tell where they go no more.
You can’t tell anything,
Can’t tell anything for sure.

I knew a girl
With long lost dreams.
She had bright eyes
And a hope for new things.
But then came those demons
Demons from the past.
They go by names
Like “Pixie Dust” and “Stacks.”

They all told her “you just gotta be brave.”
But there’s no hope
If you don’t want to be saved.
They will give you therapy
Give you a way out.
Give you New Drugs,
To flush those demons out.

Well she’s lived with those demons
Every dark and empty day.
They’ve become her friends,
She doesn’t want them,
She doesn’t want them to go away.

Stumble across those tracks
Just one more time.
The tracks of lost dreams,
They run along your veins
And through your mind.
You can’t tell where they go no more.
You can’t tell anything,
Can’t tell anything for sure.

Where those tracks go,
No one knows for sure.
I won't bore you with my rants and ramblings today. I will just leave you with something to think about.
Society. Think about society. What is it that truly enables people to go down the path that leads to lost dreams and tracks? They say that those who chose this life are just ill. Mentally, physically, who knows, just in some way ill. But society is what labels them. Without labels what are we? We are just all human beings. Equal, good, all with a fair chance to make it in this world. If you tell someone they are destined to fail, to fall flat on their face and never make it in life; if you tell them this their entire life, don't you think they might start to believe it's true? Think about your labels. What are you contributing to society? What is society doing to you?
That's my view of the world outside my window.
Vivo amare imparare
-The Misunderstood

Friday, December 4, 2009

As the News Reel Plays on

So it is becoming more and more common for me to open up my blogs with the lyrics of songs... I suppose that when I am lacking time to compose poetic illustrations of my life, other people's illustrations will have to suffice.

Dismantle Repair- Anberlin

"One last glance from a taxi cab
Images scar my mind
Four weeks've felt like years
Since your full attention was all mine
The night was young and so were we
Talked about life, God, death, and your family
Didn't want any promises,
Just my undivided honesty, and you said

Oh oh, things are gonna change now for the better
Oh oh, things are gonna change, oh, they're gonna change
I am the patron saint of lost causes
A fraction of who I once believed (change)only a matter of time
Opinions I would try and rewrite
If life had background music playing your song
I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you But the orchestra plays on, and they sang

Oh oh, things are gonna change now for the better
Oh oh, things are gonna change"


That was a quick little summary of a fragment of my life as of late. I have been dealing with allot in my life in the last few months, but in the end it all seems to just dismantle and repair itself. I don't know how, but in the last few months I've had many trials in my life, and yet, all I seem to be able to focus on is the good stuff. Thank God for that right. I could be focusing on my lack of car, (transmission just went out) my lack of money, (haven't been getting many hours at work) my being so sick that I can't work the shifts I do get, but, I've been focusing on the fact that I only have 6 months left of school, I have a couple internship offers, I have one job offer, I have this pretty great guy in my life that I'm slowly but surly pulling into my mess of what I call a life. I'm focusing on the good things!

As I said in my mess of an intro above, I've been going through ALLOT! Another thing to add to the list is that I have been having allot of problems in my church. There are a ton of people who are supposedly leaving because of me. And there have been people who are even trying to split the church apart. I've been attacked by one person, literally, physically attacked. And, I have to get a restraining order against said person. So my trust in God is being tested lately. But I've been praying and looking to Him for guidance and it all seems to be working out in the end. God has a sense of humor though because he keeps putting ironic things in my life to look at and go "really? God are you seriously going to make me deal with this too?" and He pretty much just says "yeah.... have fun. I'm here for you." At least everything is working out in the end though.

I've also been in school 40 hours a week and working about 21 hours a week lately. I thought I had allot more endurance until I started doing so much! I honestly have worked myself sick. I now have to take almost a week off from school and work so that I can recover. And believe me when I say that my school and my employer are not very happy about that.

A positive thing to bring up however, is this; School is going really well. I have become allot more confident in the things I do on a regular basis. I suppose that's a good thing seeing as how I plan on being a hair dresser for a living. If I wasn't comfortable then that would be very disconcerting for many people.

Anyway, that is the short update for now. I have to go get some sleep. Yes I know it's the middle of the morning, but this cold is taking a tole on me.

As of right now, that's all I can see of the world outside my window.

~The Misunderstood

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The World of Beauty & Fashion is a Cut Throat Business

So, it has been ages since I've given an update on my crazy life and I was sitting at home today and realized that it was about time I started writing again.

Thus, the crazy stories begin. In the last 4 months I have entered the beauty industry as a cosmetoligist. Doesn't sound dangerous right? Or does it...

I joined an academy near-ish to where I live and I thought it would just be a really fun way to get into the job field I really wanted to spend some serious years of my life in. Well, was I ever wrong about how fun it would be. Granted, it is fun some of the time, it is also a really cut throat world. When you get 30 or 40 women together in one building, 5 days a week, with no men around, the claws come out! I love my school so this isn't me talking smack about them, however, the kind of people who get into this industry scare me to death. I have never been the shy type, but when you have 5 or more women attacking you verbally at the same time and you know you have a good 7 months left to spend with them EVERY DAY, you shut the hell up and hunker down for the storm.

And the story continues. I also recently started back up at my old wonderfull job of Trader Joes. The job from which I fled about 8 months ago do to employee conflicts. After being in a cosmetology school for 4 months I've run back to TJ's with a whole new appreciation for the crazy people that work there. Cosmetologists make my co-workers look tame.

Anyway, that's all of an update I have time for today, but I will be back in the near future with more details about the crazy life into which I have been thrown.

Sometimes, spinning.
Sometimes, falling.
But always looking,
At the World Outside My Window.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Head Over Heels In The Moment

"Now I'm speechless over the edge, I'm just breathless, I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again. Hopeless, head over heels in the moment, I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again."

Catchy isn't it? I swore I'd never like the Jonas Brother's or their music but those lyrics are definitely doing well to represent me right now. "head over heels in the moment." Anyone who has seen me lately has to be blind not to have noticed that I'm going absolutely crazy living in the moments that keep coming my way.

Have you ever realized how addicting it can be to just put it all out on the line and risk everything? Once you start it's thrilling and not something that is easy to let go of.

So, I suppose other than the "love bug" theme to that song, the living in the moment part is doing very well at representing what I've been keeping myself busy with. I started my own business which is both exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. I'm stressing over what I need to do to get it off the ground and start growing it. I'm selling Nutrilite vitamins and supplements as well as Artistry make-up, LOC, SA8, and Satinique products. Everything is going into construction mode right now as I go through the steps of training myself, building a website, and starting sales. It's a good thing to have a business in the health and beauty fields right now, no doubt, but it's really difficult getting yourself out there and promoting what you're doing. the term "cut throat" business comes to mind. I really love what I'm doing, and working for myself is the best feeling in the world. I don't have anyone to answer to except Big Brother, but now days who doesn't have to do that; well, with the exception of the mafia and the mob.

So everything is on the line with this. If it's not a sucess then it's going to be a disaster; no two ways about it. I'm trying to make enough time to keep posting updates but if I'm not around for a while, my appologies. Life is crazy, hectic, stressful, and still a lot of fun.

Stress is what I thrive on. And from where I'm sitting, it's all that I can see in the world outside my window.

vivo amare imparare