Do you trust me?

I haven't written in weeks. It's becoming hard to write about what's been going on.
So, I am going to do my best. The last two weeks have been very hard for me to even get time to write. I got sick a couple weeks ago and I am still not over it. It turned into a sinus infection and I thought I was going to have to go into the ER. (I really didn't want to do that). So, I didn't. I'm getting better though, I went to the doctor. My sister however has been in the hospital since last friday. She came down with pneumonia and since she's handicapped it's life threatening for her. They may or may not release her today. My family has not been home. They've all been at the hospital with her.

I've felt kind of selfish I must admit for wanting anyone to care about me and how I am doing when my sister is the one in the hospital. But, it's amazing how I've seen God take care of me through all of this. He brought some people back into my life and if one of them hadn't have been there for me on one of those nights I don't know what I would have done. I think sometimes God sends us people to be our own little angels in times of extreme need. That's what He has done for me.

Trust. What does it really mean to trust someone? I'm not sure I can even answer that question. I am however going to give it my best try. To trust someone, is to make yourself compleately vulnerable to them. I am not kidding. Trust is putting yourself in their hands and having faith in them that they are not going to hurt you or betray you. Trust is allowing someone the oppertunity to hurt you.

So tell me, how many people do you truly trust? It's not just something you can say. You can't say "oh yes I trust ____ they are such a great person." Do you mean what you say? Think about it. Do you really put yourself into someone else's hands and have faith in them that they will not betray you and will not hurt you and will always have your best interests in mind? I think the answer to that is, not very often. It's rare to find someone that you really can trust. Because even if someone is trustworthy, it doesn't mean we will always believe they are. We guard ourselves. We put up constant walls. We do every single thing that says we do not trust them, and then we say we do.

I will be honest. In my lifetime up until this point, there has only been one person outside of my family that I truly trust. I would trust them with my life. The strangest part about this is that I have never gotten that close to them. We are not best friends. We do not hang out 24/7. But I trust this person. Sometimes you don't understand things that happen to you, but you know when they are good or bad. I just want to point out with everything I am saying though that I don't think people really trust the people they say they do. Now, I do not think I have "trust" issues. It's not like I block out the whole world and will not let them in. So if I am fairly average, then it is a good possibility that people do not really trust the 10 or 15 people they are always saying they trust. Just a thought. Think about it.

Now, I don't post my music on here much. I'm not sure I ever have, but I am going to share a song I wrote. I'm not quite sure why, but I want people to see this one. Story time. I wrote it about a guy. (yeh shocker right.) I have only ever written one other thing about him. That is the odd part. One person is usually inspiration for 5 or 10 works of mine whether they be music or poetry, but this one, has inspired only two things. I think the reason for that is because I never feel that I can fully show through words how great he is. *rolls eyes* I am starting to sound oh so cliche. Sorry about that. Anyway, I have trashed so many things that I've written about this guy because I didn't think they did him justice. So here is my new work. I want some honest opinions on it. I am going to post below the new song, and the older poem. (also written about him.)

Here you go.

Confessions of A Teenage Heart

V.1
The rain is falling on my face
Yet all I feel's the warmth of your embrace.
I can't go on without you here.
You wash away all my deepest fears.

Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

V.2
Oh time is passing on and on
And what I've learned is not to waste my words.
I know you can see right through me
Yes you always have through all these years.

Bridge.
You came into my life.
You gave me back my heart.
And now they all say we are a work of art.
Will you ever see
When you stand next to me
How my heart will always skip.. A beat.

V.3
Boy I am learining every day
That I can love you more than words can say.
Oh I wish I could make you see
Your words always have a way with me.

Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

****************************************************

Merciful Vow

Darkness is crowding me, with no place to hide.
There's a fear that wont cease, a pain that wont subside.
As my life goes by, ticking just as a clock,
I hear on my door a soft beating knock.
I want to cry out, though fearing no one will hear,
But then I remember that you will be near.
Through the darkness, the anguish, the cruel hearted hate,
You are here as my comfort and a guide of my way.

Somehow you see through the tears and the pain of my life,
A beauty so faint because of it's strife.
When no one else listens and no one else hears,
You always understand my faint hearted fears.
You are my friend, my hope, my gift from above,
The one God has given me by His mercy and love.
He has given me a friend, a friend who is true.
He has given me a friend, honest through and through.

As your prayer for me, so is my prayer for you,
That God will always be a comfort to you.
Though I don't know all your fears and your pain,
I will always tell you to call on His name.
Thank you for the joys and the laughter that you've given me.
For now, to my heart, you hold a key.
You are now free to come and to go,
For you will never be my heart's foe.

You have my trust, you have my peace,
You now have all of what you've given to me.
For what I've been given, I now give in return.
My faith in you has been fully earned.
No matter what, I will not take it back,
For that would be the cruelest of acts.
So I pray God will keep you from tears and the pain.
If he does not you can call on my name.
I will come to you in your darkest of times,
So that, my friend, you will not become blind.
Blind to the laughter and joys you could face,
If you only remain in God's glorious grace.



As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.

~Hannah~