Finally Home?

Again, the lack of blogging on a regular basis is starting to get to me. I do not like feeling as if I have guilt tripped myself into writing however. Therefore, I am just going to talk about what I want to talk about. If something important and relevant comes to mind, so be it. If it doesn't though, then satisfy yourself with whatever I have to say.

My life in one word. Let's start off by giving you the word that best describes my life right now. First, I'd like to point out that I spent a ton of time thinking of what word should describe it. I've gone through lists and lists in my mind; all the way from "lethargic" to, "blustery" to, "adored" to, "complacent." You get the idea that I am rather moody right now? I think however that the word that best describes me right now is infact the word "blessed." Yes, though I am exhausted, sick, confused, distracted, stressed, restless, pensive, and many other things, I am still quite blessed.

I returned from Hume Lake yesterday afternoon; a Christian camp that I went to with a lot of my friends. I loved it but wow, I am so glad I'm finally home! Or am I? Keep reading this blog and my previous two sentences will make sense in the end. Man, I realized some things there that I haven't thought of before. From reading my last blog you will have seen that I went to a Christian conference in Palm Springs a couple weeks ago that completely changed my life. Well, this camp just continued to change me. I've been to Hume Lake before, but this year I learned unlike I have in the past.

Back to being blessed. Why, after saying how I feel right now and how all of those emotions are not emotions of happiness and pleasure, can I say that I am "blessed?" Friends, I am blessed beyond words. Here's an analogy for you that I got from camp. It will most likely be confusing to you out of context, especially if you weren't there, but here goes. My life is like an "eternity rope." There is this small little speck on the end of this rope that represents my life here on earth; and then, there is the rest of this rope that spreads out for the rest of eternity and it represents my life after this. The things I go through now that seem so painful and terrible, will all seem like nothing in the future that I have. God has blessed me with this eternal life and with the excitement of looking forward to what's after this. No, I do not want to die. I am not insane, depressed, or otherwise out of my mind. I have however come to the realization that I should count my trials all joy because I can look at God and know the amazing future that I will have with him.

I know I am confusing many of you. I know that you think my typical writing is very logical and understandable and that I am a decent writer who can relay her thoughts through words. Right now however, I cannot do that. The words of a mere mortal can never ever relay the beauty and majesty of God. I attempt to tell of the things he has done in my life and I fail. I attempt to tell others of grace, justice, and mercy, but I fail. The only way that my words will make sense to anyone is through God himself opening their eyes and ears and making them understand my pathetic excuse for speech and thought.

This may seem rather out of place in this blog, but I would like to give the lyrics to a song that has had an immense impact on my worship recently. It is titled "Finally Home" by the band "Enfield."

Finally Home

On Jordan’s stormy banks I stand
And cast a wishful eye
To Canaan’s fair and happy land
Where my possessions lie.

All o’er those wide extended plains
Shines one eternal day;
There God the Son forever reigns
And scatters night away.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at Your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

No chilling winds nor pois’nous breath
Can reach that healthful shore;
Sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

When shall I reach that happy place,
And be forever blessed?
When shall I see my Father’s face,
And in his safe hands rest?

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing,
“Hallelujah!” We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing.
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

God is Awesome. Period. End of story. There are not enough words to describe God. There never will be. He is the beginning and the end. He is the first and the last. He is the Alpha and the Omega. All I can do is live my life for Him. That is what I have resolved to do in the past few weeks. I have learned many things, but I have resolved myself to living my life to the fullest. Not for myself, but for God.

I realize I haven't written much about camp. To write about that now would seem very childish in comparison to the things I have just finished saying. So, maybe in my next blog I will give you a few highlights; but for now this is it for the world outside my window.

As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.
~Hannah~

The Power Of God

The weekend of June 13th this year was spent at the most life changing event that I have ever experienced. Well, what a way to start off a blog right? Yes, every word of that is true.
I spent this past weekend in Palm Springs at a Christian conference called Resolved.

I was priveledged to hear some of the greatest preachers to ever walk the earth. I am not joking. To name a few there were, John Piper, John MacArthur, Steve Lawson, CJ Mahaney, and a few others.

This conference is mainly for college students and highschool upperclassmen. Therefore, I spent these days with so many other people near my age who were experiencing so many of the same things as I am. I can't even begin to explain how much my life was changed by this experience. All I have to say is this; God is amazing, awesome, great, so powerful, and so merciful.


I saw people saved. I saw people's lives changed. I saw my life changed. Oh, and to hear the voices of three thousand singing to the God of the universe, it makes you weep. There is nothing more I can blog about this. There is to much to say. If you have questions though feel free to ask me. I am always available to talk. It may take me time to answer you, but I will when I can.

In His grace,
~Hannah~

All Summer Long

Let's start this blog off good ok? My life is insane right now. I'm in such a good mood. Why is that? That my friend's is because I'm going to Palm Springs this friday for a 5 day conference and my best friend is going with me! The word "excited" doesn't even begin to cover my mood.

I have a lot of amazing things planned this summer! Palm Springs first off, and then Hume Lake. Hume lake is probably the most amazing camp I could ever go to. I get to spend the whole week with some of my best friends, and it's a christian camp so I'm going to learn alot to.

Oh, off the subject, I'd like to mention how absolutely amazing music is. Isn't it cool how listening to a song can put you in a totally different mood than you started off in? That is the best type of music. Some of you who are fans of older music may have noticed that the title of this blog is the title to a famous Beach Boys song as well. I felt it only an appropriate title for this blog and if you haven't heard the song in a while, I suggest you go listen. It will put you in a good mood.

I'm really not sure I have anything "important" or "relevent to life" to talk about today. Nothing for you all to learn from or anything, but I will tell you what I've been up to!

Work, work, work, and well, more work. Work has been crazily busy lately because school's out and families are shopping together. I have been doing a ton of stuff that I never do because they need my help. Stocking shelves, that is not in my job description, however, when they beg me to help, I do my best. Oh, I'd like to point out the fact that the people I work with are amazing. We have fun. Yes, I used the word "fun." You may ask the question, "how is it even possible to have fun while 'working?'" Well, it is possible. When you want to have fun, you find a way.

My wrists have been killing me lately. Many of my good friends know I have bad wrist problems. That's not a good thing to have when you are a musician and you work at a physically demanding job. My wrists go back and forth with feeling terrible and feeling "so so." It's really annoying when three of the things you love most in your life demand strong hands and wrists and you have terrible ones to offer. What are those three things? They are, playing piano, playing tennis, and playing volleyball. Do you see my point? I have tried everything. All sorts of supplements and vitamins but nothing really seems to help for a prolonged amount of time. So pray for me, I always have to make a fast recovery but usually when they get as bad as they have gotten it takes a while for them to heal up.

Well basically I think that concludes this blog for the world outside my window today.

As always,
Vivo amare imparare
~Hannah~

Do you trust me?

I haven't written in weeks. It's becoming hard to write about what's been going on.
So, I am going to do my best. The last two weeks have been very hard for me to even get time to write. I got sick a couple weeks ago and I am still not over it. It turned into a sinus infection and I thought I was going to have to go into the ER. (I really didn't want to do that). So, I didn't. I'm getting better though, I went to the doctor. My sister however has been in the hospital since last friday. She came down with pneumonia and since she's handicapped it's life threatening for her. They may or may not release her today. My family has not been home. They've all been at the hospital with her.

I've felt kind of selfish I must admit for wanting anyone to care about me and how I am doing when my sister is the one in the hospital. But, it's amazing how I've seen God take care of me through all of this. He brought some people back into my life and if one of them hadn't have been there for me on one of those nights I don't know what I would have done. I think sometimes God sends us people to be our own little angels in times of extreme need. That's what He has done for me.

Trust. What does it really mean to trust someone? I'm not sure I can even answer that question. I am however going to give it my best try. To trust someone, is to make yourself compleately vulnerable to them. I am not kidding. Trust is putting yourself in their hands and having faith in them that they are not going to hurt you or betray you. Trust is allowing someone the oppertunity to hurt you.

So tell me, how many people do you truly trust? It's not just something you can say. You can't say "oh yes I trust ____ they are such a great person." Do you mean what you say? Think about it. Do you really put yourself into someone else's hands and have faith in them that they will not betray you and will not hurt you and will always have your best interests in mind? I think the answer to that is, not very often. It's rare to find someone that you really can trust. Because even if someone is trustworthy, it doesn't mean we will always believe they are. We guard ourselves. We put up constant walls. We do every single thing that says we do not trust them, and then we say we do.

I will be honest. In my lifetime up until this point, there has only been one person outside of my family that I truly trust. I would trust them with my life. The strangest part about this is that I have never gotten that close to them. We are not best friends. We do not hang out 24/7. But I trust this person. Sometimes you don't understand things that happen to you, but you know when they are good or bad. I just want to point out with everything I am saying though that I don't think people really trust the people they say they do. Now, I do not think I have "trust" issues. It's not like I block out the whole world and will not let them in. So if I am fairly average, then it is a good possibility that people do not really trust the 10 or 15 people they are always saying they trust. Just a thought. Think about it.

Now, I don't post my music on here much. I'm not sure I ever have, but I am going to share a song I wrote. I'm not quite sure why, but I want people to see this one. Story time. I wrote it about a guy. (yeh shocker right.) I have only ever written one other thing about him. That is the odd part. One person is usually inspiration for 5 or 10 works of mine whether they be music or poetry, but this one, has inspired only two things. I think the reason for that is because I never feel that I can fully show through words how great he is. *rolls eyes* I am starting to sound oh so cliche. Sorry about that. Anyway, I have trashed so many things that I've written about this guy because I didn't think they did him justice. So here is my new work. I want some honest opinions on it. I am going to post below the new song, and the older poem. (also written about him.)

Here you go.

Confessions of A Teenage Heart

V.1
The rain is falling on my face
Yet all I feel's the warmth of your embrace.
I can't go on without you here.
You wash away all my deepest fears.

Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

V.2
Oh time is passing on and on
And what I've learned is not to waste my words.
I know you can see right through me
Yes you always have through all these years.

Bridge.
You came into my life.
You gave me back my heart.
And now they all say we are a work of art.
Will you ever see
When you stand next to me
How my heart will always skip.. A beat.

V.3
Boy I am learining every day
That I can love you more than words can say.
Oh I wish I could make you see
Your words always have a way with me.

Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.

****************************************************

Merciful Vow

Darkness is crowding me, with no place to hide.
There's a fear that wont cease, a pain that wont subside.
As my life goes by, ticking just as a clock,
I hear on my door a soft beating knock.
I want to cry out, though fearing no one will hear,
But then I remember that you will be near.
Through the darkness, the anguish, the cruel hearted hate,
You are here as my comfort and a guide of my way.

Somehow you see through the tears and the pain of my life,
A beauty so faint because of it's strife.
When no one else listens and no one else hears,
You always understand my faint hearted fears.
You are my friend, my hope, my gift from above,
The one God has given me by His mercy and love.
He has given me a friend, a friend who is true.
He has given me a friend, honest through and through.

As your prayer for me, so is my prayer for you,
That God will always be a comfort to you.
Though I don't know all your fears and your pain,
I will always tell you to call on His name.
Thank you for the joys and the laughter that you've given me.
For now, to my heart, you hold a key.
You are now free to come and to go,
For you will never be my heart's foe.

You have my trust, you have my peace,
You now have all of what you've given to me.
For what I've been given, I now give in return.
My faith in you has been fully earned.
No matter what, I will not take it back,
For that would be the cruelest of acts.
So I pray God will keep you from tears and the pain.
If he does not you can call on my name.
I will come to you in your darkest of times,
So that, my friend, you will not become blind.
Blind to the laughter and joys you could face,
If you only remain in God's glorious grace.



As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.

~Hannah~

Love

Ok. So basically if you would like to know what my day was like in one word, it would be this: Crappy... But, I think you would like me to elaborate?

This morning I had to get up at a, what my friend calls, ungodly hour. I had to do school, take my dog to folsom to have her groomed, had to go to the doctor, (stupid stupid stupid doctors!!!) and then come home. My day was stressfull. I almost got killed twice. Yes, true near death experiences, no lie.

Friends... Friends are amazing. They keep me going. They make me happy. When I think I'm going to cry they either cheer me up or let me cry on their shoulders. I can't live without them. They are sent to me by God. I remember that everyday. Especially as of late.

I don't have a point to this blog. I am just going to rambel for a bit. Do you ever feel like your world is crashing down around you? Do you ever feel like no matter what you do there is no escape? Do you ever feel, that out of the clear blue, someone is thrown into ur life and they rescue you from that which you thought there was no escape? I have. I have come as close to the brink of falling into the darkest hole I've ever encountered, and then, suddenly this hand reached out and saved me. The funny thing is, this person, this person who seemed like my guardian angel, doesn't even know. They were just there. The things they said, the way they treated me, no matter how normal it was, it saved me from doing things I would have regretted for the rest of my life.

Have you ever felt like that? If you have not, I can tell you it is one of the utmost amazing, freeing, beautiful moments you could experience. It's like, all of the sudden, when you are with that person, it seems like you are safe; like nothing could go wrong even though you know in your mind that everything has gone wrong. When you realize you have that person, and that they make you feel that way, it leaves you breathless. I can't say everyone will experience this. Alot of people would never go through something so terrible that they would have to experience this, but if you do, you will understand exactly what I am talking about.

I said there wasn't a point to this blog, but suddenly, I feel enlightened enough to make one. Do not, and I mean never, under ANY circumstances, give up on the beauty of life. There will be times when you feel like it is the ugliest most despicible thing ever, but it isn't. If you would give it a chance, you would start to see the beauty of it again. The people who love you; that is beautiful. You will always have that even if you lose everything else.

"vivo amare imparare"

Hannah

Music Evolved

So below is an example of a truly odd musical composition. One that is VERY popular.

Barenaked Ladies

One Week (lyrics)

It's been one week since you looked at meCocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"Five days since you laughed at me saying"Get that together come back and see me"Three days since the living roomI realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell youYesterday you'd forgiven mebut it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwinkAs I make you stop, thinkYou'll think you're looking at AquamanI summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet SwissI like the sushi 'cause it's never touched a frying panHot like wasabe when I bust rhymesBig like LeAnn RimesBecause I'm all about valueBert Kaempfert's got the mad hitsYou try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust throughGonna make a break and take a fakeI'd like a stinkin achin shakeI like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavoursGotta see the show, cause then you'll knowThe vertigo is gonna growCause it's so dangerous,you'll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're madTrying hard not to smile though I feel badI'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeralCan't understand what I mean?Well, you soon willI have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeveI have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at meThrew your arms in the airand said "You're crazy"Five days since you tackled meI've still got the rug burns on both my kneesIt's been three days since the afternoonYou realized it's not my faultnot a moment too soonYesterday you'd forgiven meAnd now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chickenYou have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'Watchin' X-Files with no lights onWe're dans la maisonI hope the Smoking Man's in this oneLike Harrison Ford I'm getting franticLike Sting I'm tantricLike Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Like Kurasawa I make mad filmsOkay, I don't make filmsBut if I did they'd have a SamuraiGonna get a set a' better clubsGonna find the kind with tiny nubsJust so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swingGotta get in tune with Sailor Moon'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babesThat make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're madTryin' hard not to smile though I feel badI'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeralCan't understand what I mean?Well, you soon willI have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeveI have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at meDropped your arms to your sidesand said "I'm sorry"Five days since I laughed at you and said "You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"Three days since the living roomWe realized we're both to blame,but what could we do?Yesterday you just smiled at meCause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days till we say we're sorryIt'll still be two days till we say we're sorryBirchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie

So why did I post this truly twisted song? Could I possibly have any sane reason for it? Well the answer to that is yes. I most certainly have a reason. If it is sane, well, I cannot guarantee you of that. I have been contemplating music lately. I know this is a dangerous subject to get into because people's tastes in music very just as much as their DNA. (not exagerating.)



So here it is. I was thinking about how much people's tastes really do very. Some people will only listen to Mozart, Chopin, and verious other "greats" in the classical era of music. They think it almost a sin to listen to modern music because they believe that modern musicians and composers have destroyed what was once great. Personally, I think that music has evolved in many great ways. There are no doubt many absolutely dreadfull compositions that should never have been released to the public, but there are also many things that I think have been beneficial to the public musically. The thing about music is, no matter who you are, where you are, what you look like, sound like, or act like, you can relate to music. It is a language spoken around the world. From the Alps in Europe to the Bronx in New York there is music along with an abundance of listeners who approve of what they are hearing. The music verries from culture to culture, but everywhere where there is a human being alive, there will be music. Even if it is a simple melody hummed while they are working.

Just as art has developed and evolved over the past one hundred years so has music. Just as Pablo Picasso revolutionized every human beings definition of art in the mid 20th century with his abstract designs and ideas of using geometric shapes to create paintings, music has evolved from the "classical" forms to where it is now. In the beginning of the 20th century people were starting to explore new ways to make sounds. They started playing one composition in more than one key at the same time. They truly revolutionized "sound."

My point is this, music will ALWAYS be here. As long as there is one human being on the face of the planet, there WILL be music. Music will always evolve. Take for example how music has evolved just from the early 80's! We went from pop rock music and boy bands being the most popular thing to hard rock bands and R&B being loved all over again. Music will always be changing. Just as cultures change and grow into something new music will grow along with it. This is why I am not a "traditionalist" when it comes to the art of music. I have a respect for each and every musical style out there. Even if I do not particularlly enjoy listening to it I know that an individual person put part of their soul into producing that sound that makes that style distinct among all others.

I have a lot more to say on this subject but I am afraid that if I write much more you will get bored with me and move on to more interesting things like what's new with "brangelina" or "tomcat." *rolls eyes*.

So I will now end this blog. Feel free to comment and tell me your opinions. If there is one thing I love talking about it is music. Because no matter what, we can all relate to it in one way or another.

That's it for the world outside my window.

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~

True or False?

They say you can only deny the truth for so long before you have to face it. Why do we hide from the truth? Why do we deny it? Is it only for the safety of our own sanity? Do we really obtain some sense of peace from ignoring that which burdens our hearts and minds?

Any fool can run from his fears; but it takes a wise and brave soul to face his trials. To stare in the face that which terrifies you most and say "I will not be bound by you any longer." Now that, that is a true test of one's strength.

To hide from the truth is to hide from yourself. If you hide from it long enough, you may just lose who you are. What we know and what we accept as truth shapes us; it makes us into who we are and who we will become in the future. Therefore, deny the truth? Deny yourself? Or are they one in the same?

Wisdom and knowledge is not the same thing. One may have knowledge and not be wise, but the wise must have knowledge and exercise it in the proper way. If we ignore the truth, we become fools. If we face it, it is an example of wisdom.

"Vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~