Finally Home?

Again, the lack of blogging on a regular basis is starting to get to me. I do not like feeling as if I have guilt tripped myself into writing however. Therefore, I am just going to talk about what I want to talk about. If something important and relevant comes to mind, so be it. If it doesn't though, then satisfy yourself with whatever I have to say.

My life in one word. Let's start off by giving you the word that best describes my life right now. First, I'd like to point out that I spent a ton of time thinking of what word should describe it. I've gone through lists and lists in my mind; all the way from "lethargic" to, "blustery" to, "adored" to, "complacent." You get the idea that I am rather moody right now? I think however that the word that best describes me right now is infact the word "blessed." Yes, though I am exhausted, sick, confused, distracted, stressed, restless, pensive, and many other things, I am still quite blessed.

I returned from Hume Lake yesterday afternoon; a Christian camp that I went to with a lot of my friends. I loved it but wow, I am so glad I'm finally home! Or am I? Keep reading this blog and my previous two sentences will make sense in the end. Man, I realized some things there that I haven't thought of before. From reading my last blog you will have seen that I went to a Christian conference in Palm Springs a couple weeks ago that completely changed my life. Well, this camp just continued to change me. I've been to Hume Lake before, but this year I learned unlike I have in the past.

Back to being blessed. Why, after saying how I feel right now and how all of those emotions are not emotions of happiness and pleasure, can I say that I am "blessed?" Friends, I am blessed beyond words. Here's an analogy for you that I got from camp. It will most likely be confusing to you out of context, especially if you weren't there, but here goes. My life is like an "eternity rope." There is this small little speck on the end of this rope that represents my life here on earth; and then, there is the rest of this rope that spreads out for the rest of eternity and it represents my life after this. The things I go through now that seem so painful and terrible, will all seem like nothing in the future that I have. God has blessed me with this eternal life and with the excitement of looking forward to what's after this. No, I do not want to die. I am not insane, depressed, or otherwise out of my mind. I have however come to the realization that I should count my trials all joy because I can look at God and know the amazing future that I will have with him.

I know I am confusing many of you. I know that you think my typical writing is very logical and understandable and that I am a decent writer who can relay her thoughts through words. Right now however, I cannot do that. The words of a mere mortal can never ever relay the beauty and majesty of God. I attempt to tell of the things he has done in my life and I fail. I attempt to tell others of grace, justice, and mercy, but I fail. The only way that my words will make sense to anyone is through God himself opening their eyes and ears and making them understand my pathetic excuse for speech and thought.

This may seem rather out of place in this blog, but I would like to give the lyrics to a song that has had an immense impact on my worship recently. It is titled "Finally Home" by the band "Enfield."

Finally Home

On Jordan’s stormy banks I stand
And cast a wishful eye
To Canaan’s fair and happy land
Where my possessions lie.

All o’er those wide extended plains
Shines one eternal day;
There God the Son forever reigns
And scatters night away.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at Your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

No chilling winds nor pois’nous breath
Can reach that healthful shore;
Sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

When shall I reach that happy place,
And be forever blessed?
When shall I see my Father’s face,
And in his safe hands rest?

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing,
“Hallelujah!” We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing.
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

God is Awesome. Period. End of story. There are not enough words to describe God. There never will be. He is the beginning and the end. He is the first and the last. He is the Alpha and the Omega. All I can do is live my life for Him. That is what I have resolved to do in the past few weeks. I have learned many things, but I have resolved myself to living my life to the fullest. Not for myself, but for God.

I realize I haven't written much about camp. To write about that now would seem very childish in comparison to the things I have just finished saying. So, maybe in my next blog I will give you a few highlights; but for now this is it for the world outside my window.

As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.
~Hannah~