Let's start this blog off good ok? My life is insane right now. I'm in such a good mood. Why is that? That my friend's is because I'm going to Palm Springs this friday for a 5 day conference and my best friend is going with me! The word "excited" doesn't even begin to cover my mood.
I have a lot of amazing things planned this summer! Palm Springs first off, and then Hume Lake. Hume lake is probably the most amazing camp I could ever go to. I get to spend the whole week with some of my best friends, and it's a christian camp so I'm going to learn alot to.
Oh, off the subject, I'd like to mention how absolutely amazing music is. Isn't it cool how listening to a song can put you in a totally different mood than you started off in? That is the best type of music. Some of you who are fans of older music may have noticed that the title of this blog is the title to a famous Beach Boys song as well. I felt it only an appropriate title for this blog and if you haven't heard the song in a while, I suggest you go listen. It will put you in a good mood.
I'm really not sure I have anything "important" or "relevent to life" to talk about today. Nothing for you all to learn from or anything, but I will tell you what I've been up to!
Work, work, work, and well, more work. Work has been crazily busy lately because school's out and families are shopping together. I have been doing a ton of stuff that I never do because they need my help. Stocking shelves, that is not in my job description, however, when they beg me to help, I do my best. Oh, I'd like to point out the fact that the people I work with are amazing. We have fun. Yes, I used the word "fun." You may ask the question, "how is it even possible to have fun while 'working?'" Well, it is possible. When you want to have fun, you find a way.
My wrists have been killing me lately. Many of my good friends know I have bad wrist problems. That's not a good thing to have when you are a musician and you work at a physically demanding job. My wrists go back and forth with feeling terrible and feeling "so so." It's really annoying when three of the things you love most in your life demand strong hands and wrists and you have terrible ones to offer. What are those three things? They are, playing piano, playing tennis, and playing volleyball. Do you see my point? I have tried everything. All sorts of supplements and vitamins but nothing really seems to help for a prolonged amount of time. So pray for me, I always have to make a fast recovery but usually when they get as bad as they have gotten it takes a while for them to heal up.
Well basically I think that concludes this blog for the world outside my window today.
As always,
Vivo amare imparare
~Hannah~
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Do you trust me?
I haven't written in weeks. It's becoming hard to write about what's been going on.
So, I am going to do my best. The last two weeks have been very hard for me to even get time to write. I got sick a couple weeks ago and I am still not over it. It turned into a sinus infection and I thought I was going to have to go into the ER. (I really didn't want to do that). So, I didn't. I'm getting better though, I went to the doctor. My sister however has been in the hospital since last friday. She came down with pneumonia and since she's handicapped it's life threatening for her. They may or may not release her today. My family has not been home. They've all been at the hospital with her.
I've felt kind of selfish I must admit for wanting anyone to care about me and how I am doing when my sister is the one in the hospital. But, it's amazing how I've seen God take care of me through all of this. He brought some people back into my life and if one of them hadn't have been there for me on one of those nights I don't know what I would have done. I think sometimes God sends us people to be our own little angels in times of extreme need. That's what He has done for me.
Trust. What does it really mean to trust someone? I'm not sure I can even answer that question. I am however going to give it my best try. To trust someone, is to make yourself compleately vulnerable to them. I am not kidding. Trust is putting yourself in their hands and having faith in them that they are not going to hurt you or betray you. Trust is allowing someone the oppertunity to hurt you.
So tell me, how many people do you truly trust? It's not just something you can say. You can't say "oh yes I trust ____ they are such a great person." Do you mean what you say? Think about it. Do you really put yourself into someone else's hands and have faith in them that they will not betray you and will not hurt you and will always have your best interests in mind? I think the answer to that is, not very often. It's rare to find someone that you really can trust. Because even if someone is trustworthy, it doesn't mean we will always believe they are. We guard ourselves. We put up constant walls. We do every single thing that says we do not trust them, and then we say we do.
I will be honest. In my lifetime up until this point, there has only been one person outside of my family that I truly trust. I would trust them with my life. The strangest part about this is that I have never gotten that close to them. We are not best friends. We do not hang out 24/7. But I trust this person. Sometimes you don't understand things that happen to you, but you know when they are good or bad. I just want to point out with everything I am saying though that I don't think people really trust the people they say they do. Now, I do not think I have "trust" issues. It's not like I block out the whole world and will not let them in. So if I am fairly average, then it is a good possibility that people do not really trust the 10 or 15 people they are always saying they trust. Just a thought. Think about it.
Now, I don't post my music on here much. I'm not sure I ever have, but I am going to share a song I wrote. I'm not quite sure why, but I want people to see this one. Story time. I wrote it about a guy. (yeh shocker right.) I have only ever written one other thing about him. That is the odd part. One person is usually inspiration for 5 or 10 works of mine whether they be music or poetry, but this one, has inspired only two things. I think the reason for that is because I never feel that I can fully show through words how great he is. *rolls eyes* I am starting to sound oh so cliche. Sorry about that. Anyway, I have trashed so many things that I've written about this guy because I didn't think they did him justice. So here is my new work. I want some honest opinions on it. I am going to post below the new song, and the older poem. (also written about him.)
Here you go.
Confessions of A Teenage Heart
V.1
The rain is falling on my face
Yet all I feel's the warmth of your embrace.
I can't go on without you here.
You wash away all my deepest fears.
Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.
V.2
Oh time is passing on and on
And what I've learned is not to waste my words.
I know you can see right through me
Yes you always have through all these years.
Bridge.
You came into my life.
You gave me back my heart.
And now they all say we are a work of art.
Will you ever see
When you stand next to me
How my heart will always skip.. A beat.
V.3
Boy I am learining every day
That I can love you more than words can say.
Oh I wish I could make you see
Your words always have a way with me.
Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.
Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.
****************************************************
Merciful Vow
Darkness is crowding me, with no place to hide.
There's a fear that wont cease, a pain that wont subside.
As my life goes by, ticking just as a clock,
I hear on my door a soft beating knock.
I want to cry out, though fearing no one will hear,
But then I remember that you will be near.
Through the darkness, the anguish, the cruel hearted hate,
You are here as my comfort and a guide of my way.
Somehow you see through the tears and the pain of my life,
A beauty so faint because of it's strife.
When no one else listens and no one else hears,
You always understand my faint hearted fears.
You are my friend, my hope, my gift from above,
The one God has given me by His mercy and love.
He has given me a friend, a friend who is true.
He has given me a friend, honest through and through.
As your prayer for me, so is my prayer for you,
That God will always be a comfort to you.
Though I don't know all your fears and your pain,
I will always tell you to call on His name.
Thank you for the joys and the laughter that you've given me.
For now, to my heart, you hold a key.
You are now free to come and to go,
For you will never be my heart's foe.
You have my trust, you have my peace,
You now have all of what you've given to me.
For what I've been given, I now give in return.
My faith in you has been fully earned.
No matter what, I will not take it back,
For that would be the cruelest of acts.
So I pray God will keep you from tears and the pain.
If he does not you can call on my name.
I will come to you in your darkest of times,
So that, my friend, you will not become blind.
Blind to the laughter and joys you could face,
If you only remain in God's glorious grace.
As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.
~Hannah~
So, I am going to do my best. The last two weeks have been very hard for me to even get time to write. I got sick a couple weeks ago and I am still not over it. It turned into a sinus infection and I thought I was going to have to go into the ER. (I really didn't want to do that). So, I didn't. I'm getting better though, I went to the doctor. My sister however has been in the hospital since last friday. She came down with pneumonia and since she's handicapped it's life threatening for her. They may or may not release her today. My family has not been home. They've all been at the hospital with her.
I've felt kind of selfish I must admit for wanting anyone to care about me and how I am doing when my sister is the one in the hospital. But, it's amazing how I've seen God take care of me through all of this. He brought some people back into my life and if one of them hadn't have been there for me on one of those nights I don't know what I would have done. I think sometimes God sends us people to be our own little angels in times of extreme need. That's what He has done for me.
Trust. What does it really mean to trust someone? I'm not sure I can even answer that question. I am however going to give it my best try. To trust someone, is to make yourself compleately vulnerable to them. I am not kidding. Trust is putting yourself in their hands and having faith in them that they are not going to hurt you or betray you. Trust is allowing someone the oppertunity to hurt you.
So tell me, how many people do you truly trust? It's not just something you can say. You can't say "oh yes I trust ____ they are such a great person." Do you mean what you say? Think about it. Do you really put yourself into someone else's hands and have faith in them that they will not betray you and will not hurt you and will always have your best interests in mind? I think the answer to that is, not very often. It's rare to find someone that you really can trust. Because even if someone is trustworthy, it doesn't mean we will always believe they are. We guard ourselves. We put up constant walls. We do every single thing that says we do not trust them, and then we say we do.
I will be honest. In my lifetime up until this point, there has only been one person outside of my family that I truly trust. I would trust them with my life. The strangest part about this is that I have never gotten that close to them. We are not best friends. We do not hang out 24/7. But I trust this person. Sometimes you don't understand things that happen to you, but you know when they are good or bad. I just want to point out with everything I am saying though that I don't think people really trust the people they say they do. Now, I do not think I have "trust" issues. It's not like I block out the whole world and will not let them in. So if I am fairly average, then it is a good possibility that people do not really trust the 10 or 15 people they are always saying they trust. Just a thought. Think about it.
Now, I don't post my music on here much. I'm not sure I ever have, but I am going to share a song I wrote. I'm not quite sure why, but I want people to see this one. Story time. I wrote it about a guy. (yeh shocker right.) I have only ever written one other thing about him. That is the odd part. One person is usually inspiration for 5 or 10 works of mine whether they be music or poetry, but this one, has inspired only two things. I think the reason for that is because I never feel that I can fully show through words how great he is. *rolls eyes* I am starting to sound oh so cliche. Sorry about that. Anyway, I have trashed so many things that I've written about this guy because I didn't think they did him justice. So here is my new work. I want some honest opinions on it. I am going to post below the new song, and the older poem. (also written about him.)
Here you go.
Confessions of A Teenage Heart
V.1
The rain is falling on my face
Yet all I feel's the warmth of your embrace.
I can't go on without you here.
You wash away all my deepest fears.
Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.
V.2
Oh time is passing on and on
And what I've learned is not to waste my words.
I know you can see right through me
Yes you always have through all these years.
Bridge.
You came into my life.
You gave me back my heart.
And now they all say we are a work of art.
Will you ever see
When you stand next to me
How my heart will always skip.. A beat.
V.3
Boy I am learining every day
That I can love you more than words can say.
Oh I wish I could make you see
Your words always have a way with me.
Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.
Chorus.
Some say you're like a drug to me
'Cause I'm addicted to your love.
I say you're like my medicine.
Don't they see you make me well?
Trust is such a tasking thing
When you've seen the things I've seen.
But trust's never been more obvious
Than it is with you and me.
****************************************************
Merciful Vow
Darkness is crowding me, with no place to hide.
There's a fear that wont cease, a pain that wont subside.
As my life goes by, ticking just as a clock,
I hear on my door a soft beating knock.
I want to cry out, though fearing no one will hear,
But then I remember that you will be near.
Through the darkness, the anguish, the cruel hearted hate,
You are here as my comfort and a guide of my way.
Somehow you see through the tears and the pain of my life,
A beauty so faint because of it's strife.
When no one else listens and no one else hears,
You always understand my faint hearted fears.
You are my friend, my hope, my gift from above,
The one God has given me by His mercy and love.
He has given me a friend, a friend who is true.
He has given me a friend, honest through and through.
As your prayer for me, so is my prayer for you,
That God will always be a comfort to you.
Though I don't know all your fears and your pain,
I will always tell you to call on His name.
Thank you for the joys and the laughter that you've given me.
For now, to my heart, you hold a key.
You are now free to come and to go,
For you will never be my heart's foe.
You have my trust, you have my peace,
You now have all of what you've given to me.
For what I've been given, I now give in return.
My faith in you has been fully earned.
No matter what, I will not take it back,
For that would be the cruelest of acts.
So I pray God will keep you from tears and the pain.
If he does not you can call on my name.
I will come to you in your darkest of times,
So that, my friend, you will not become blind.
Blind to the laughter and joys you could face,
If you only remain in God's glorious grace.
As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.
~Hannah~
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Broken hearts and peace of mind
Well, so much for writing a new blog everyday. Goodness, I have been so busy lately! Life is crazy, terrible, exciting, new, and everything else you can think of. So, I hope you are all ready for a very long update.
I will start off with work. Work is going well. I am starting to not worry so much because I'm getting better at knowing everything I'm supposed to do. Not having the training for it kind of sucks, but I'm making it through. I have made some new friends there. My boss is telling me I'm amazing and that I'm one of the best baggers they've ever had there. Hearing stuff like that makes me happy, and makes me think I must be doing alright. You know how sometimes, there are people that you just click with the moment you meet them? I do. There is this one guy I work with... Now before I go any farther, get the thought out of your head that this is about someone I have a crush on... because, it is not. Anyway, this guy I work with is really fun, and he is always happy, and he and I make a great team. It's nice having someone like that. When you like the people you work with, it almost doesn't seem like work. Anyway, whenever we are working a register together, people always come through, and if they are grumpy when they get into the line, they by no means leave feeling or acting the same way. We are their quote "sideshow" to shopping. In short, we put on a show for them and they leave feeling entertained. Now I must say, that does not go unnoticed by our boss. So we are always getting compliments for our teamwork.
Well that's it for what I have to say about work. Now, as for other parts of my life, they are not going so great. I recently found out that someone I really cared about is not a christian. For me, my faith is the most important thing in my life. If it were not for God, I would not be here. If it were not for God, I would go to hell. I can't even begin to get accross in words how much it has impacted me to find out that someone I love, as a friend, does not share that faith with me. He even lied to me about it ever since I met them. He has grown up lying to everyone. He grew up going to church, youth events, and he grew up in a family of believers, and has been lying to all of us. Now, I do not want to offend those who do not believe in God, but this is my blog, about my life and my faith, therefore I will say that which I believe. My friend, is an Athiest. For those of you who have not learned what that is, an Athiest is one who does not believe in the existance of God, or any "god's" for that matter. The fact that this friend has chosen to not accept Christ has left me broken hearted in every way imaginable. I have had a part of my world torn apart, and was left feeling useless. But that feeling of despair and uselessness brought me to a reality check. I realized just how much I rely on God for the my very existance. Without him, my life is in vain. There is nothing I can do in my own strength, and He provides everything for me. There is nothing I can say to this friend that he has not heard already, and even if I could say anything that he has not heard, it is in vain unless God opens his eyes and heart to those words. I often take for granted the life I've been given, but through this trial God has been drawing me closer and closer to Him. I do not know what the future holds for this friendship, but I do know that whatever may come, God is in control of it all. To my friends out there who read this, I ask you to pray. You may or may not know this person I am talking about, but even if you do not, I ask you to pray. God does answer prayers; and I have been begging him to answer mine. Please pray for me also, I have not been holding up all that great under this, and I need all the support I can get.
Now that I have spilled about everything going on with my faith as of recently, I want to say what has been going on with my heart. It is amazing to see how God works in me. Many of you who have known me a very long time remember that I have not always been the girl who is patient and waits on God to give someone to her to love. I have always been a "go getter." I've been the girl who would like someone and she would go after them. Well, I am not like that anymore. I have learned through many trials I have been going through lately that God does know what is best for me. I have come to the realization that he will provide for all of my needs. I just have to trust Him and have the patience to do so. After a recent experience of having my heart broken, I was left feeling, not empty, or without a purpose, but feeling that God has something, someone, better out there for me. I do not have that desire to go after just anyone anymore. That is saying something for those of you who know who I was. I know that whatever God has in store for me, is the best possible, and I take an extreme amount of peace in that.
Well my friends, that is all for the world outside my window for today. I hope that you have learned something from my life that you can apply to yours.
As always,
"vivo amare imparare"
~Hannah~
I will start off with work. Work is going well. I am starting to not worry so much because I'm getting better at knowing everything I'm supposed to do. Not having the training for it kind of sucks, but I'm making it through. I have made some new friends there. My boss is telling me I'm amazing and that I'm one of the best baggers they've ever had there. Hearing stuff like that makes me happy, and makes me think I must be doing alright. You know how sometimes, there are people that you just click with the moment you meet them? I do. There is this one guy I work with... Now before I go any farther, get the thought out of your head that this is about someone I have a crush on... because, it is not. Anyway, this guy I work with is really fun, and he is always happy, and he and I make a great team. It's nice having someone like that. When you like the people you work with, it almost doesn't seem like work. Anyway, whenever we are working a register together, people always come through, and if they are grumpy when they get into the line, they by no means leave feeling or acting the same way. We are their quote "sideshow" to shopping. In short, we put on a show for them and they leave feeling entertained. Now I must say, that does not go unnoticed by our boss. So we are always getting compliments for our teamwork.
Well that's it for what I have to say about work. Now, as for other parts of my life, they are not going so great. I recently found out that someone I really cared about is not a christian. For me, my faith is the most important thing in my life. If it were not for God, I would not be here. If it were not for God, I would go to hell. I can't even begin to get accross in words how much it has impacted me to find out that someone I love, as a friend, does not share that faith with me. He even lied to me about it ever since I met them. He has grown up lying to everyone. He grew up going to church, youth events, and he grew up in a family of believers, and has been lying to all of us. Now, I do not want to offend those who do not believe in God, but this is my blog, about my life and my faith, therefore I will say that which I believe. My friend, is an Athiest. For those of you who have not learned what that is, an Athiest is one who does not believe in the existance of God, or any "god's" for that matter. The fact that this friend has chosen to not accept Christ has left me broken hearted in every way imaginable. I have had a part of my world torn apart, and was left feeling useless. But that feeling of despair and uselessness brought me to a reality check. I realized just how much I rely on God for the my very existance. Without him, my life is in vain. There is nothing I can do in my own strength, and He provides everything for me. There is nothing I can say to this friend that he has not heard already, and even if I could say anything that he has not heard, it is in vain unless God opens his eyes and heart to those words. I often take for granted the life I've been given, but through this trial God has been drawing me closer and closer to Him. I do not know what the future holds for this friendship, but I do know that whatever may come, God is in control of it all. To my friends out there who read this, I ask you to pray. You may or may not know this person I am talking about, but even if you do not, I ask you to pray. God does answer prayers; and I have been begging him to answer mine. Please pray for me also, I have not been holding up all that great under this, and I need all the support I can get.
Now that I have spilled about everything going on with my faith as of recently, I want to say what has been going on with my heart. It is amazing to see how God works in me. Many of you who have known me a very long time remember that I have not always been the girl who is patient and waits on God to give someone to her to love. I have always been a "go getter." I've been the girl who would like someone and she would go after them. Well, I am not like that anymore. I have learned through many trials I have been going through lately that God does know what is best for me. I have come to the realization that he will provide for all of my needs. I just have to trust Him and have the patience to do so. After a recent experience of having my heart broken, I was left feeling, not empty, or without a purpose, but feeling that God has something, someone, better out there for me. I do not have that desire to go after just anyone anymore. That is saying something for those of you who know who I was. I know that whatever God has in store for me, is the best possible, and I take an extreme amount of peace in that.
Well my friends, that is all for the world outside my window for today. I hope that you have learned something from my life that you can apply to yours.
As always,
"vivo amare imparare"
~Hannah~
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