Finally Home?

Again, the lack of blogging on a regular basis is starting to get to me. I do not like feeling as if I have guilt tripped myself into writing however. Therefore, I am just going to talk about what I want to talk about. If something important and relevant comes to mind, so be it. If it doesn't though, then satisfy yourself with whatever I have to say.

My life in one word. Let's start off by giving you the word that best describes my life right now. First, I'd like to point out that I spent a ton of time thinking of what word should describe it. I've gone through lists and lists in my mind; all the way from "lethargic" to, "blustery" to, "adored" to, "complacent." You get the idea that I am rather moody right now? I think however that the word that best describes me right now is infact the word "blessed." Yes, though I am exhausted, sick, confused, distracted, stressed, restless, pensive, and many other things, I am still quite blessed.

I returned from Hume Lake yesterday afternoon; a Christian camp that I went to with a lot of my friends. I loved it but wow, I am so glad I'm finally home! Or am I? Keep reading this blog and my previous two sentences will make sense in the end. Man, I realized some things there that I haven't thought of before. From reading my last blog you will have seen that I went to a Christian conference in Palm Springs a couple weeks ago that completely changed my life. Well, this camp just continued to change me. I've been to Hume Lake before, but this year I learned unlike I have in the past.

Back to being blessed. Why, after saying how I feel right now and how all of those emotions are not emotions of happiness and pleasure, can I say that I am "blessed?" Friends, I am blessed beyond words. Here's an analogy for you that I got from camp. It will most likely be confusing to you out of context, especially if you weren't there, but here goes. My life is like an "eternity rope." There is this small little speck on the end of this rope that represents my life here on earth; and then, there is the rest of this rope that spreads out for the rest of eternity and it represents my life after this. The things I go through now that seem so painful and terrible, will all seem like nothing in the future that I have. God has blessed me with this eternal life and with the excitement of looking forward to what's after this. No, I do not want to die. I am not insane, depressed, or otherwise out of my mind. I have however come to the realization that I should count my trials all joy because I can look at God and know the amazing future that I will have with him.

I know I am confusing many of you. I know that you think my typical writing is very logical and understandable and that I am a decent writer who can relay her thoughts through words. Right now however, I cannot do that. The words of a mere mortal can never ever relay the beauty and majesty of God. I attempt to tell of the things he has done in my life and I fail. I attempt to tell others of grace, justice, and mercy, but I fail. The only way that my words will make sense to anyone is through God himself opening their eyes and ears and making them understand my pathetic excuse for speech and thought.

This may seem rather out of place in this blog, but I would like to give the lyrics to a song that has had an immense impact on my worship recently. It is titled "Finally Home" by the band "Enfield."

Finally Home

On Jordan’s stormy banks I stand
And cast a wishful eye
To Canaan’s fair and happy land
Where my possessions lie.

All o’er those wide extended plains
Shines one eternal day;
There God the Son forever reigns
And scatters night away.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at Your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

No chilling winds nor pois’nous breath
Can reach that healthful shore;
Sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more.

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

When shall I reach that happy place,
And be forever blessed?
When shall I see my Father’s face,
And in his safe hands rest?

We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing,
“Hallelujah!” We will sing on that day,
“Hallelujah, Bless Your name”
We will bow at your throne singing.
“Hallelujah, we are finally home!”

God is Awesome. Period. End of story. There are not enough words to describe God. There never will be. He is the beginning and the end. He is the first and the last. He is the Alpha and the Omega. All I can do is live my life for Him. That is what I have resolved to do in the past few weeks. I have learned many things, but I have resolved myself to living my life to the fullest. Not for myself, but for God.

I realize I haven't written much about camp. To write about that now would seem very childish in comparison to the things I have just finished saying. So, maybe in my next blog I will give you a few highlights; but for now this is it for the world outside my window.

As Always,
Vivo amare imparare.
~Hannah~

The Power Of God

The weekend of June 13th this year was spent at the most life changing event that I have ever experienced. Well, what a way to start off a blog right? Yes, every word of that is true.
I spent this past weekend in Palm Springs at a Christian conference called Resolved.

I was priveledged to hear some of the greatest preachers to ever walk the earth. I am not joking. To name a few there were, John Piper, John MacArthur, Steve Lawson, CJ Mahaney, and a few others.

This conference is mainly for college students and highschool upperclassmen. Therefore, I spent these days with so many other people near my age who were experiencing so many of the same things as I am. I can't even begin to explain how much my life was changed by this experience. All I have to say is this; God is amazing, awesome, great, so powerful, and so merciful.


I saw people saved. I saw people's lives changed. I saw my life changed. Oh, and to hear the voices of three thousand singing to the God of the universe, it makes you weep. There is nothing more I can blog about this. There is to much to say. If you have questions though feel free to ask me. I am always available to talk. It may take me time to answer you, but I will when I can.

In His grace,
~Hannah~

Broken hearts and peace of mind

Well, so much for writing a new blog everyday. Goodness, I have been so busy lately! Life is crazy, terrible, exciting, new, and everything else you can think of. So, I hope you are all ready for a very long update.

I will start off with work. Work is going well. I am starting to not worry so much because I'm getting better at knowing everything I'm supposed to do. Not having the training for it kind of sucks, but I'm making it through. I have made some new friends there. My boss is telling me I'm amazing and that I'm one of the best baggers they've ever had there. Hearing stuff like that makes me happy, and makes me think I must be doing alright. You know how sometimes, there are people that you just click with the moment you meet them? I do. There is this one guy I work with... Now before I go any farther, get the thought out of your head that this is about someone I have a crush on... because, it is not. Anyway, this guy I work with is really fun, and he is always happy, and he and I make a great team. It's nice having someone like that. When you like the people you work with, it almost doesn't seem like work. Anyway, whenever we are working a register together, people always come through, and if they are grumpy when they get into the line, they by no means leave feeling or acting the same way. We are their quote "sideshow" to shopping. In short, we put on a show for them and they leave feeling entertained. Now I must say, that does not go unnoticed by our boss. So we are always getting compliments for our teamwork.

Well that's it for what I have to say about work. Now, as for other parts of my life, they are not going so great. I recently found out that someone I really cared about is not a christian. For me, my faith is the most important thing in my life. If it were not for God, I would not be here. If it were not for God, I would go to hell. I can't even begin to get accross in words how much it has impacted me to find out that someone I love, as a friend, does not share that faith with me. He even lied to me about it ever since I met them. He has grown up lying to everyone. He grew up going to church, youth events, and he grew up in a family of believers, and has been lying to all of us. Now, I do not want to offend those who do not believe in God, but this is my blog, about my life and my faith, therefore I will say that which I believe. My friend, is an Athiest. For those of you who have not learned what that is, an Athiest is one who does not believe in the existance of God, or any "god's" for that matter. The fact that this friend has chosen to not accept Christ has left me broken hearted in every way imaginable. I have had a part of my world torn apart, and was left feeling useless. But that feeling of despair and uselessness brought me to a reality check. I realized just how much I rely on God for the my very existance. Without him, my life is in vain. There is nothing I can do in my own strength, and He provides everything for me. There is nothing I can say to this friend that he has not heard already, and even if I could say anything that he has not heard, it is in vain unless God opens his eyes and heart to those words. I often take for granted the life I've been given, but through this trial God has been drawing me closer and closer to Him. I do not know what the future holds for this friendship, but I do know that whatever may come, God is in control of it all. To my friends out there who read this, I ask you to pray. You may or may not know this person I am talking about, but even if you do not, I ask you to pray. God does answer prayers; and I have been begging him to answer mine. Please pray for me also, I have not been holding up all that great under this, and I need all the support I can get.

Now that I have spilled about everything going on with my faith as of recently, I want to say what has been going on with my heart. It is amazing to see how God works in me. Many of you who have known me a very long time remember that I have not always been the girl who is patient and waits on God to give someone to her to love. I have always been a "go getter." I've been the girl who would like someone and she would go after them. Well, I am not like that anymore. I have learned through many trials I have been going through lately that God does know what is best for me. I have come to the realization that he will provide for all of my needs. I just have to trust Him and have the patience to do so. After a recent experience of having my heart broken, I was left feeling, not empty, or without a purpose, but feeling that God has something, someone, better out there for me. I do not have that desire to go after just anyone anymore. That is saying something for those of you who know who I was. I know that whatever God has in store for me, is the best possible, and I take an extreme amount of peace in that.

Well my friends, that is all for the world outside my window for today. I hope that you have learned something from my life that you can apply to yours.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah~