The Way I See Things

To start things off today; as you all can see it has been an extremely long time since my last post. This is partially due to the fact that I haven't had a whole lot of time lately and also because my life has been such a mess that I didn't feel like writing about anything. I'm back on my feet, and I'm here to stay.

I said my life has been a mess lately right. Well, that very well could be the understatement of the century but regardless, I finally found my way back to where and who I want to be. I find it amazing that one can lose him or herself without even noticing it and then when he or she wants to find who he or she was in the past it's a maze of mistakes and wrong turns that they look back on and can't believe they made.

All of this intro just to say that, I made a huge mistake and can't take it back. I found myself again. The person I found is slightly roughed up and bruised around the edges but she's back. I fell in love; I lost who I wanted to be; I turned into someone I swore I would never become; and when it was all said and done there was one thing I had to show for it; experience. I finally know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back. I know what wrong turns it takes to completely lose myself. Last of all, I've learned that I'm worth way more than I ever realized before. It still takes a long time for things to be resolved though. Everyone I know is more than well aware of how often I use lyrics from my favourite songs to describe the state of my life; so here are the lyrics that have been going through my head lately.

And people asking how I'm doing

But every question still has you in

I say I'm fine And I never think about you

But you're always on my mind

********************

Please speak slowly

My heart is learning

Teach me heartache

Stop this burning now

And now we're too far gone

Hope is such a waste

Every breath you take

You give me the burden's bitter taste

You promised that you'd stay

You say you want to go

Your lips provide a shelter to the

Things that I don't know

*********************

I wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face

And it never feels out of place

And your still probably working at a 9 to 5 pace

I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face

Hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

Hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

**********

That's a short summary of the mess of lyrics that are cycling through my head like a tornado right now. I don't know what I'm doing with my life currently but I do know that whatever happens it's going to be epic because I'm done letting other people control what I do with my life. I was fooled into thinking I was in control for quite sometime, then I realized that someone I loved was pulling the strings. My life is God's. And I plan on letting him control it from here on out. I made my mistakes, I made my bed and now I have to lye in it but my life can only get better from here. This is one last song. This one is by me.

It's Not You

**

Stop pretending

That it's a picture perfect world.

Stop acting like my life is yours.

Don't deceive me

Like I'm a naive little girl.

I'm my own.

I'm not yours.

And I just want you to know

***

I'm through with the promises

That never will come true

I'm through with the pictures

That I dreamt up of you.

I'm through with the lies

Of an idealistic life.

If you ever come around again

I'll tear through you're disguise

***

What would you do
If you were in my shoes?
What would you say
If I'd ruined your whole day?
Better yet, what would you do
If I didn't give a damn about you?
***
Well that's the end I'm through.
It's not you.

***

I am getting

That it's just not a perfect world.

I'm moving on I'm not your girl.

Don't believe me?

Well too bad 'cause you're not my man

I'm my own.

I'm not yours.

And I just want you to know

***

I'm through with the promises
That never will come true
I'm through with the pictures
That I dreamt up of you.
I'm through with the lies
Of an idealistic life.
If you ever come around again
I'll tear through you're disguise
***
What would you do

If you were in my shoes?

What would you say If I'd ruined your whole day?

Better yet, what would you do

If I didn't give a damn about you?

***

Well that's the end I'm through.

It's not you.

***

It's not you-- It's not you

It's not you

It's not you

***

And that about does it for my view of the world outside my window. I hope you enjoyed this update. Keep checking in for updates and as always, feel free to tell me what you think.

Vivo Amare Imparare

Hannah

Run for your life!

Wow. Well as you can see it has been a few days since my last post. I will now attempt to give you my reason and make it into a somewhat enjoyable blog. *evil grin*

Well let's see, tuesday I started my first day of training at Trader Joes. It was fun, exciting, slightly confusing, and mostly, above all, it was exhausting!



I am being trained by a girl who is only about a year older than I am, so we get along really well. I learned to bag, do cart runs, (running around the parking lot bringing the carts back to the store) cleaning, stocking, and lots of miscellaneous things around the store. I must say, four hours on your feet with only a fifteen minute break, now that is exhausting. It is especially exhausting because you are not just standing in one place the whole time. You are running around the store trying to find stuff for customers, you are running through the parking lot dodging crazy people driving cars they should never be allowed to get behind the wheel of in the first place, you are dealing with really mean (mind you only a few) customers who no matter what you do they think you are doing a terrible job, and you are playing the part of a happy camper all day.



I did not realize how intense the job would be. I will freely admit I did not expect to be running for my life the first day. (dodging crazy drivers remember) However, it is very rewarding. I love the people I'm working with even more now that I have gotten to know them better. My boss is still great. He even gave me and my trainer free lunch because he thought I was doing so amazingly on my first day. I did not mention the heavy lifting they have you do. Ok, maybe not "heavy" for a guy; but for a girl, man it get's old really fast! lifting 25 pound cubes of paper bags and loading them onto dollys and carting them to the front of the store and unloading them and distributing them to the registers is probably at this moment my least favorite part of the job. But hey, my arms are looking good already. *hehe*



Now, I know alot of you out there who read my blog have jobs. Maybe you are a hard working career person who spends their day in the office. Maybe you spend your day cooking food in a diner. There is one thing however that makes work better for each and every one of us no matter what our field; that thing is great co-workers!!! If you have to work with someone who is a complete ass you are not going to enjoy your life. If you work with someone whom you get along with and like being around, you are going to feel alot better about going into work each time.

These are just my thoughts for the day. And that's it for the world oustide my window.

As always,

"vivo amare imparare"

~Hannah