Catch A Glimpse

When my world comes crashing down around me I tend to spiral out of control. We all know this is a somewhat common happening. Well, I was told I'm not allowed to spiral out of control this time to cope. I have to be strong. I have to do stuff for myself to make myself feel better. I have to not beat myself up. Well for the first time in my life I really want to keep the promise I made to do this. I always say I won't drink or smoke my sorrows away but I do anyway. This time, I feel almost as though it is a last chance to prove my love; To prove that I will do anything for the person I made this promise to. To regain the trust I so tragically threw away in one drunken night.

You know who you are, and if you are reading this, never, under any circumstances, forget how much I love you. Whether time heals the wounds or the distance lasts forever, never forget my love.

This is my text that will live on forever; after we both are gone. In hopes to remind lovers of the tragedy that can be had from the follies of one poor night; That it is possible to lose the love of your life because of one poor decision. I pray that this is not my fate. I pray for forgiveness and for grace and for truly inspired trust to carry us through. If that is not granted to me however, I will never forget this text; I will never leave it off of my person. It will be a constant reminder to me of the follies of my youth.

Catch A Glimpse

Perfection.
There is no more to say.
Beauty that cannot be washed away.
We caught a glimpse of love.
It's lost in the disaster of one moment.

Regret haunts a soul that was free.
Lost again.
Drowning in the drink.
Forgetting troubles isn't that easy.

A promise to be strong.
A promise to not be me.
A promise to keep going.
Don't let myself be beat.

A promise that proves love?
Maybe.
Last chance to say I'm sorry?
Possible again to become free?
Unlikely.

Given up all hopes.
Thrown away true love
Like one more shot thrown back.
Move on.It's all in the past.

Be strong.
Don't be beat.
Do for yourself;
After all, you're the one in need.

I won't move on.
I must be strong.
Can't forget all of my wrongs.

Won't give in until love returns.
Only love will heal these burns.
Time to recover.
Time to retreat.
Time again,
Don't hit repeat.

I'm done with the past.
Won't drink it away again.
Will it ever be forgiven;
This unspeakable sin?

Love.
Him.

Virtue

Does anyone know that feeling when you just want to scream at the top of your lungs until your voice compleatly breaks and you can't scream for one more second?

When every ounce of anger and bitterness all comes out at one moment and all those memories flood through your head. When all the things that have been done to you and all the betrayals start pooring down your face through the tears.

God, when everything you have accomplished and every goal, dream, achievement and talent seems to mean absolutely nothing!

I am going to make the understatement of the year. "I don't like that feeling."
I am finally seeing the pointlessness to the life I've been trying to make for myself. I mean sure, it would be nice to have a nice job, car, family eventually, but none of that is going to last! Nothing I can do now can really make me happy for the rest of my life.

Yes, this is an emotional blog. I am so pissed off right now I can't even explain it. So if this all seems a bit "bitter" that's because IT IS!

I'm sick of putting up with all the shit that comes with my life. It's stuff that I don't have to deal with but for some reason I feel like I should be gracious enough to put up with all of it. Being gracious towards others is one thing, being gracious to the point of getting yourself hurt physically and emotionally is another compleately.

In the past couple weeks I have been betrayed by people who I trusted, I have been verbally abused by people who would never actually raise a hand to me, and I have not once stood up to those people. It ends now. I am not saying that I plan on being a rude, mean, cold hearted person. I am saying that I am not going to just stand by and let other people run my life and hurt me anymore. This is my new resolution.

So if this blog were to have any true point to it, it would be this: Stand up for yourself, because God knows, most of the time no one else will stand up for you. If someone is abusing you verbally or physically don't just give in and let it continue. This is for all the people out there who have lost hope in recovering from whatever it is they are going through. Don't give up.